Posted by 4WD on June 28, 2005, at 23:06:13
In reply to Re: Absolutely . . . » 4WD, posted by Maxime on June 28, 2005, at 19:21:15
>
> I know. I wish she did know about everything I have been through. When I was living in the U.S. I lost my job without notice (along with 20-25 %) of the staff (non profit). I didn't want to go back home. I felt like a failure and I just couldn't go on. I had already packed everything because I was moving and I thought well if I kill myself, at least everything will be packed and my family won't have to deal with it. The attempt didn't work. I spent days in ICU AND NO ONE CAME FROM HOME TO SEE ME! I finally got out of the hospital, depressed as anything, finished packing, hired movers, sat for 20 hours on a train because I couldn't afford a the place and arrived home. My stuff arrived a couple days later. I unpacked what I could and stored the rest. I did all this BY MYSELF. I should have been in the hospital. So I am not weak like she tells me I am.
>
> And then the same as you I was going through a depression and she wanted me to work and I could barely move. I was in a catatonic state!! She doesn't understand and doesn't want to understand. I embarrass her I think. I don't know ....
>
> Sigh parents. They don't mean to hurt us, but they can sometimes.
>
> Maxime
>
>
Yeah, I think my Mom was ashamed of me. Admittedly I was a mess. My room was a mess, I spent my time eating and watching TV. Stayed up all night and slept all day. And yet, I couldn't have done anything differently. I couldn't have done anything.And now she has Alzheimer's disease and it's my job to make sure her bills are paid and she has what she needs and to sell her house and use the money for her care and go visit her and cheer her up and buy her clothes. Ironic, isn't it?
I guess I sound angry but I don't really feel angry (though I expect it's lurking there somehwere). She's very sweet and it's very sad to see her so ruined. I just wish she could have recognized my disease and tried to help with as much compassion as I show her. But maybe she did the best she could. I asked her once why she told me I was "sorry" when I was obviously depressed and she said she was trying to help -- to get me to "snap out of it."
Non depressed people will never, ever understand.
Marsha
poster:4WD
thread:515759
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050627/msgs/520881.html