Posted by utopizen on June 10, 2005, at 17:53:00
In reply to Larry, how did your deprenyl trial go ??, posted by linkadge on June 9, 2005, at 20:32:31
> Are you still taking it? How did it go?
>
> LinkadgeI remember ordering some from Croatia back in October, and first day I took it, that whole "jump-start effect" happened-- it was so rare at the time for my professors to ever see me smile (if ever)-- and yet here I was, smiling, in two classes, that day.
Unfortunately, the problem is I was smiling without paying attention. I smiled, then the professor caught me smiling, and asked in front of the class what I was smiling about.
Well, first class, the teacher goes, "Apparently some of you (meaning me) relate to this saddistic perversion of human sexuality that Lacan's psychoanalysis is discussing."
Next class, the professor asks, "John, why are you smiling?" with a grin in his face, hoping for some intriuging insight I had about the passage a girl just read aloud to the class.
Not knowing how else to say it, I simply try to wing it, being the English major I am.
"I thought that resonnated with me." (ok, so what the hell am I suppose to be referring to, please let it not be embarassing, dear god...)
"Yes, John, that must make you feel comforted, being of the maternalism of the character seeming warm and wholesome to you."
I slouch down in my chair and count down the seconds until class ends.
So, aside from that little anecdote, um, I took 10mg/day of Seligiline tablets from Kroatia, in blister packs made by Sanafoia-whatever labs, makers of Ambien. I used it for about 6 months, and was able to get myself out of the quagmire of depression with that for good.
I also augmented it with Lexapro 30mg and Klonopin 1mg 3x/day, but these I had for a couple of months before starting the Seligiline. I remain convinced if it weren't for Seligiline, I would likely not ever have found relief from my deep, 2-year long depression.
My life isn't always bursting with joy, but at some point in October or November I noticed I no longer craved laying down in my dorm room's bed all day like it was some drug to take away my pain.
I was able to get refreshing sleep for the first time in 2 years.
I was always a morning person, so depression really turned my life upside down-- before it hit me, I use to spend an hour getting ready for the day everyday, and I'm a guy).
I stopped taking the Seligiline after I felt comfortable enough that it had cleared me out of a dark and once seemingly bottomless pit.
The Lexapro and Klonopin have seemed to keep me back to the way I once was, which is remarkable, since I've had some odd circumstances that have led me to live with my parents this summer and to have no social life (at no fault of my anxiety).
So if I can live with my parents not being depressed, that's a good indicator of my resillency returning finally.
When I go to a party with friends, I like get so happy I'm like a little kid. I remember once, I went to a party while depressed and realized... it's really not easy to escape from even for a few hours once you hit a certain point.
The Klonopin, though, helped a lot, it helped me stop obsessing over my meds, too-- so I haven't posted here for months, which I'm very proud of (no offense, but I use to post here all the time, and it was because, like all of us, I have obsessive issues).
poster:utopizen
thread:510234
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050606/msgs/510685.html