Posted by rjlockhart98 on June 2, 2005, at 15:23:45
I cnat say how miserable my mind will get during hte day, i try to take naps, nothing! my brain wave pattern stays on a "plane" it doesnt slope down to sleep pattern waves.
I try to focus very hard to get to sleep, i think im doing it! yes its almost here, but then .................. im still waiting. THen UGHHHHGHH, forget it!
I am not having siezures, but i dont know why my pattern waves dont shut down. When something really hard hits in the day, i cant explain but i stay in emerency mode the rest of the day, the feeling of that adrenaline soaked in your abdomin is beyond reality. How do i get the hell rid of this!!
my thoughts seem to lose their "connected" order, they go random, some familiar images from my memory, some RANDOM from no where. I dont know at the time, i think it is best to get on an moderte potency anti-psychotic for a while.
Suicide comes not from just oh sorrow hopelessness for not doing anything, it feel relieving that it will be over, all this mental chaos that is megapanic mode will be over. I think this and i actually sigh in relief. But i dont have plans..... first of all i need to get SCANS. Giving up is treason.
Restoril and Ativan i belive i have adapted to, i dont know. I have been having a problem with waking up at around 3:45 and i cannot go back to sleep. I got maybe 6 hour sleep, which is at least some rest. I hope i dont have fatal insomnia. I stay up for the rest of the time, trying to occupy myself.
I know barbiturates do not have good names, but i may ask about phenobarbital during the night because of its long duration 10-12 hours. this hopefully should keep me asleep all night, until 7:00am which is when i get dressed. Phenobarbital i dont belive has "pronounced" tolerance problems, and less addictive of all the barbiturate class, i 'belive'. Does anyone with some knowing, will tell me if this may help?
Please, i have got to go, i AM in a rush mode right now, i am going to my pdoc tommorow. I have informed him and discussed this long time but its getting miserable.
Please tell me something.
take care
matt
poster:rjlockhart98
thread:506952
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050601/msgs/506952.html