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Am I really living or is this all just a dream?

Posted by Deanne47yo on May 31, 2005, at 13:29:37

Hi all; I live in an RV and do alot of travelling. I have 3 beautiful dogs, a wonderfull husband and am on disability, making a good sum too. The only thing is I can't believe that this is for real! I am sooooo scared of waking up from a great dream that I want to die in my dream so I don't have to go back to the life I have when I am awakeI am single, and have very little money and my big excursion in the month is to go see my shrink, I have a cat that I don't like very much and I take a ton of meds that makes me act and sound like a drunk.Anyone that calls me on the phone asks if I have been drinking, and of course I haven't, especially 8 in the morning. At night I do like to drink myself stupid and then I cut up my arms and watch them bleed, when I see that it's like I can see the pain I am in, the blood dripping is my bodies way of saying I hurt and cries...As I watch this happening I hope and pray for some kind of relief from my internal pain which no drug can touch....,....back to the dream.....In my dream, right now I am experiencing some serious psychotic problems, have brand new shrink, I don't even live in the same province, I live in the province I always wanted to see but was too far away and too broke to go and see, right now we are parked in a wal-mart getting wifi from a computer store, which means free internet hotspot for those who don't know about wifi., that's another thing , is this possible? Is there really such a thing or is it only in a dream that I can think this?
All I know is that I don't want to wake up, and lose all that I have now and will have in the future in this dream...? I am having ECT again and again , My dream takes place in the 2000's but my real life is in the 90,s right now!!!
HELP!!! What do I do, My hubby in my dream says that I am not dreaming, but I am having a hard time believing him as much as I want to believe him. In real life I don't even have a computer and here I am with a state of the art puter...I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SCARED!!!!!!!!! OF LOSING IT ALL!!!!!!!! Especially the one person that understands me, my so called dream hubby, a dream come true for me.

I really do not know how to think or what to do because I am getting sicker and sicker and nothing is helping me so far in real life or in my dreams................................................................Deanne/47yo in Canada


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poster:Deanne47yo thread:505802
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050527/msgs/505802.html