Posted by barbaracat on April 9, 2005, at 16:33:06
In reply to Re: Flip-Codeine, posted by greenhornet on April 9, 2005, at 8:09:05
Dear GH,
I think what you're responding to is choosing to 'get high' as a way of dealing with pain, rather than trying to 'feel better' and I definitely agree with this. But I've come to see that in my case, certain meds are necessary because 'feeling better' is necessary if I want to continue with this life. I agree with you philisophically that we shouldn't have to rely on meds and there must be another way. I've tried this in every form possible and the reality is that it hasn't worked.This has caused some struggle for me because I passionately believe in finding the root cause of a problem, doing the hard work to get to the bottom of it, learning to tolerate and grow from pain rather than make it all nice and pretty by subverting it with meds.
I also follow a Buddhist path, meditate, and appreciate the Buddha's first noble truth that 'Life is Suffering', but also the second - 'Suffering is caused by desiring', or resisting suffering and craving pleasure.
I know all this, and have tried many times over the years to slowly wean off meds believing that 'healthy living', accepting what is, being in the moment, whatever, will suffice. I've gone long times au natural. Problem is, something goes haywire with my brain after a while and I no longer have access to those noble thoughts and my life becomes a shambles. I alienate friends because I become critical and mean. My body and mind hurt from the stress of having to wade through a psychic minefield day after day. Everything is overwhelming and hard.
I'm a strong and resourceful person, have been all my life and can take alot. But that strength and resourcefulness go out the window when my brain is broken, and I feel so alone. This is no way to live. How many times must one lie in bed crying in anguish for themselves and the world, without the impulse or capacity to exeperience the joy and wonder of the world?
In my case, Lithium simply must be in my life, as must thyroxine. I will die without them, this I know. Anything else is gravy, like benzos when I need soothing and nothing else works, Ambien because I can't seem to sleep otherwise, a low dose of an AD because without it life feels too complicated. And yes, sometimes a snootful of booze and some illegal substances because heck, they feel good. As long as I know when to stop.
I guess that even with all the spiritual, psychological and just plain life experience I try to put to good use, there's something I'm missing. Everything in moderation, but if happiness lies within my reach, I'm going to reach for it. There's no nobility in senseless obsessive suffering. I think the key word is 'balance', and whatever gets you to that place has merit. Regards, Barbara
poster:barbaracat
thread:479222
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050408/msgs/482079.html