Posted by BP2TreadingWater on April 1, 2005, at 10:56:52
In reply to A violent relationship... are medications causing?, posted by melspinyards on March 31, 2005, at 21:38:33
> Hello, everyone, hugs, i am new to this board. I found it through google.com about a medication question.
>
> I have been with my bf, Tony, we have been together for about 1 year 2 months. It seems i dont know where we are going, i am stuck with anxiety and paranoia with him. He was a nice funny person, that i just loved. He drank occationally at first, it didnt bother me, he was just so hilarious!. 2-(1/2) months ago his personality became alot more passive and much more irrtible when i would just ask a simple question what is wrong?
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> He storms out for no apparent reason, i do not know where he goes out at night, im with friends, i mean were basically seperated for now. Reasons Unknown. If your seeing someone else, i would know trust me.
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> I found many prescriptions which i was unaware of besides Zoloft, in his bedroom which are the following:
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> Zyprexa 5mg
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> Triazolam .25mg
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> Alprazolam .5mg (2 X daily), i am aware of this. Many of my friends abuse this. XANAX, i do not approve of this medication at all.
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> Zoloft 100mg (1 X daily)
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> Dexmethylphenidate 30mg (2 X daily)
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> I would apprieciate any advice if this can be effecting his behavior.
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> I do not know even if now im another number of his, he tells me to get out when i am trying to ask what is going on?
> Many times at night he will go into absolute delusional rages, out of control, furniture is smashed, i have to leave quickly for my own sake.
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> This is sinking, i dont know what to do.
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> I am scared to call his doctor, and report what is happening.
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> I dont want this continue, he was a normal complely normal, funny guy that worked at chilies. What did i not know?
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> I would much apprieciate any guidance. Thank you
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> -Melody-
>
> P.S: thank you for having a site like this.Melody,
Sounds like Tony is a Bipolar-I. I know you feel concerned for him and that you wish your relationship could go back to normal. I don't want to browbeat you, but I think you'll need to question yourself if you've idealized Tony. This means that you've made an image of Tony in your mind, a very positive image, that you need to hold on to emotionally even if it is not validated by reality.
The bottom line here is this: Tony may be a nice guy with a nasty problem -- but you CAN'T dismiss the problem. You CAN'T tear Tony down the middle, take the good half, and leave the bad half behind. Tony is both the funny boyfriend and the irritable manic. Meanwhile, you have to decide not to put up with any abuse. You do NOT have to suffer on his account. It's not your fault that Tony isn't managing his bipolar well (and it's not your fault that his doctor is a f***-up for not catching it). All I can say is that you need to get clear of Tony before you get hurt. Give it some thought, think about how you will approach him (maybe after you leave, as opposed to before, on account of his rage). You can relate helpfully from a distance, but you don't need to a victim on his account.
How do I know all this? I'm a bipolar-II who, instead of having rages, missed being properly diagnosed for many years. I basically slouched my way through a relationship to the point where the other person couldn't take it anymore. It isn't the same as your case, and I was very hurt by him leaving me. But after a few months, I came to realize that he was essentially a good person -- as am I -- and my problems and his perception of my problems made things impossible and caused us to be hurtful to one another.
Don't fall into this trap. Save yourself!
Good luck,
BP2TreadingWater
poster:BP2TreadingWater
thread:478363
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050330/msgs/478489.html