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Re: bugs crawling on skin = formication

Posted by parasolips on March 1, 2005, at 19:31:36

In reply to Re: bugs crawling on skin = formication » parasolips, posted by AMD on March 1, 2005, at 16:44:55

> "They need a dating service for folks like us," I think, as I sit here in a Starbucks, manic as hell (well, mixed, with emphasis on depression), looking at all these other "normal" folks enjoy their conversations and coffee while I, on the other hand, perform searches for "cocaine and cognition" (I did some cocaine Saturday night for the first time in years, and it apparently fired of a deadly chain reaction that in addition to making me depressed is making it hard to concentrate and thus killing any faith I have in my own typically above average intelligence) and try to keep myself from crying or otherwise having a nervous breakdown, while also attempting to complete a technical project consisting of some 7,500-plus lines of Java code and a high-end security design -- with a dozen people waiting for this deliverable -- and, too, occasionally glancing at the door in anticipation of the arrival of an ex-girlfriend (who was sane enough to split with me before things got really bad) to take me for a quick slice of pizza, today being my birthday.
>
> amd


oh man can i relate to that.
maybe i shouldn't get into my experiences here but let me just tell you that i've been in some REALLY prototypically "crazy" situations (ie 2 nights ago when i locked myself in the bathroom and completely freaked out because some old nirvana song triggered something...) and also dated some people that have been "certifiable" as well (i.e. i'm dx borderline, right? but i do NOT have time or tolerance to deal with the manipulations of dating a borderline....which i started doing recently but couldn't handle it).
anyway.

today i went to the doctor. not a good experience. i hate western medicine and in a place like berkeley (where i am) it seems really outdated. she basically told me to stop smoking weed and THEN we could talk. gah.

when i told her i had a history of psych problems and i was worried this could be resultant from that, she asked me if i was suffering from "anxiety or depression."
"not currently..." i told her...and held my tongue from adding, "but how about mania and psychosis?"
she was VERY adament that all of my problems were not valid and that they were caused by my use of marijuana.

i'm going to go to my dbt therapist on friday and see what she thinks.

sorry to ramble. slightly manic. still itchy. still smoking.


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poster:parasolips thread:464281
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050227/msgs/465166.html