Posted by banga on February 22, 2005, at 21:31:28
In reply to Re: Do We Have A Tolerance To All Meds?, posted by linkadge on February 22, 2005, at 20:36:54
I guess it is different for me. for years I did therapy, -psychodynamic, behavioral, etc. and yes there were always problems, so it made sense that maybe the problems make me depressed.
Then one morning, I got up, in slow motion made my coffee, sat down, it all seemed to gray, and said "I want to die." And like truly an out-of-body experience, I looked down at myself and said WHOA WHOA, where is this from??, I took inventory and my life was great--good relationship, waiting to get into grad school, friends....and no I don't feel it was an existentially sad moment, it was depression showing its face in all its glory. Life can be just fine, and yet your mind twists and says you are worth nothing, life is worth nothing, end it all now. You know it isn't true, yet you believe it.My worst moments in depression have not been when i am overburdened with problems and difficulties--it is when everything objectively is just fine, yet I writhe in pain, and feel so guilty--how can I do that--feel so miserable when I have a life, a sound body--so many people do not have that, yet I cannot for the life of me enjoy it! The guilt was horrid.
So then I realized it truly is a disease, not caused by a neglectful mother or something like that, and started meds. And life came back...
BUT back to the original question on tolerance--I have said before I think the problem is--this error is written in our genes, and thus our body thinks that this state (ex. being depressed) is the "right" and normal state of the body. When we add meds, WE feel better but our cells say WHOA this is throwing a wrench into things--this is not 'normal'. Then works to get back to the "right" state--thus against the medication and back to depression. Like the brian is built on a blueprint, with depression in the final plan. Try to change that and your body will work against you. A wrestling match. A homeostatic drive back to the "natural balance," written in our genes, our body believes is the right balance.
Boy am I wordy tonight.
poster:banga
thread:461988
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050222/msgs/462044.html