Posted by Dkscully on February 8, 2005, at 23:13:07
I think about all of the questions I've posted on here and other boards, and one question comes to mind: What have I done to myself?
I can't remember what I was like before going on medication, but I think it has to be better than this. I feel like I'm sabotaging everything that's good in my life, and I don't know what to do. My boyfriend thinks I'm unhappy with our relationship because I'm so unhappy in general. He's the one thing that does make me happy, and even though he says he's not going anywhere, I'm so afraid I'm going to lose him because of my anxiety/paranoia/insecurity. I guess I have to be better at showing him I appreciate him, it's just hard when all I want to do is cry about anything and everything. I love him so much, though. I don't want to ruin this.
I'm a month and a half off Effexor, and I've been on Wellbutrin for the same amount of time. My psychiatrist says I may need to take something else with the Wellbutrin eventually, because it doesn't work for anxiety, and as time goes by, I feel like this is probably the case, as much as I haven't wanted to admit it... Last week I felt better; this week I feel like my world is falling apart. I get up in the morning, and I have a pit in my stomach before even have any coherent thoughts. I am very anxious, quite obviously. But I don't WANT to be on anything else. I'm already taking ambien to sleep, and still a very small dose (.25 mg) of klonapin because I can't seem to stop that completely, even though the ambien was supposed to take its place. I don't want to be on an SSRI that may not even work, along with the Wellbutrin. I really want to stop all of these meds, but I'm in my last semester of grad school--I have difficult classes, an assistantship, comprehensive exams to pass, and a career to start. I know I'm not at my best for doing all of these things in my current state, but I'm afraid that stopping the meds could make things much worse. I'm afraid if I start something else, that'll make things worse. I just want to feel STABLE, I don't need to be dancing around with joy. HOW did I get myself into this? Somehow, from starting Zoloft for PMDD, at my gynecologist's advice, I got into this mess and I don't know how to get out. :(
Sorry... I just needed to get that out.
poster:Dkscully
thread:455235
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050207/msgs/455235.html