Posted by AMD on January 12, 2005, at 15:02:01
In reply to Re: Can't read! -- Addendem, posted by Ktemene on January 12, 2005, at 5:05:51
Ktemene,
Thank you /so/ much for your posting. It's unbelievable how closely our experiences match. I could have been reading my own dialogue (wrong word, but my word recall is down today). Particularly the part regarding memory and comprehension. I know exactly how that feels -- I'm in the midst of it right now. I keep the company of highly intelligent folks, and feeling suddenly dumbed down, forgetful of things I typically recall with ease, and cognitively blunted -- let's just say I feel like the odd man out.
It makes me hopeful reading your message that these symptoms will pass, and that my cognitive functioning and typically /stellar/ memory will return.
But right now -- still having a problem. I read about 10 pages last night with difficulty of a book I am thoroughly enjoying and have thus far read with a rapid pace (if you're interested it's the "Illuminatus! Trilogy" by Shea and Wilson).
I know I am definitely /never/ smoking marijuana again -- that is bad news. Alcohol has a similarly negative effect on me.
I've been depressed for about 16 months now, with periods of one-to-four weeks of remission, but never anything longer. It's been marked by obsessiveness-driven depression, substance-driven depression (like this latest), and depression kicked off by medicine.
Only in the past few months have I begun to feel a real improvement -- and then I do this and I feel like I'm back to square one. I thought the human brain was plastic, not so sensitive!
I keep thinking back to the days when I was care free, engaged in my endeavors, enjoying my life without worry. It seems ages ago! I am in my mid-twenties, and by 30 I'd like to have this under control. (See: I'm already planning my life around this ... disease.)
As I mentioned in an earlier post, I'm now taking Celexa and Lamictal, and have added Zoloft -- but I'm not sure this cocktail is working. I wonder if when I find the right medicine whether these extreme reactions to social drinking, etc., will continue to plague me. I don't know; we'll see. I am definitely going to speak to my doctor regarding medicines that will fine tune my cognition. Right now I'm filled with that "I've lost it for good" dread, and everytime I experience a memory-blip it simply reenforces these ruminations ... I feel almost like I'll obsess over this until I do something really challenging and convince myself I'm OK. I think perhaps I should sign up for a perpetual series of college courses if only to reaffirm quarterly I'm of at least above average intelligence!
Ah, now I'm rambling. Well, one day at a time -- it's easier said than done when one has a highly pressured, highly intellectual job such as the one I do. Plus I have so many goals I want to accomplish this year! But I'm trying to work through the days /and/ go the gym, despite the strong temptation to sleep all day and all night.
Again, thanks for the injection of hope.
amd
poster:AMD
thread:440207
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050108/msgs/441221.html