Posted by mmcconathy on January 8, 2005, at 2:10:07
In reply to Re: I am seriously losing it, posted by celticmom on January 7, 2005, at 21:48:55
Whole problems that branched into all these dissociative crap, emotional breakdowns was communication promlems.
When i talk about this, i cant talk directly to a person without breaking down becuase the impact is to much,
I just never had any friends, going to school is hell because i have no support to go to, girls think im socially awkward and make smirks im gay, i just cant handle all this.......... , i have breakdowns and just scream who am I,
I cant even start on how many breakdowns and rages i have becuase i have no one tells me im normal. Tony will surface and get on my feet, and gives me strength, Ritchie tells me i'm doing ok and I am normal, puts me together. Ritchie around more.
But all this stuff is in my head to just help me cope, instead of drugs, and alcohol.
That would be nice to visit ot just get away for a while at a ward, but i dont wnat to even imagine what my dad would say to me if i did, he asks me why are so f*ck up, "what are you a male queer you fagget", go to your Xanax, and get out of my sight.
Tony usally will appear and start fights, usally tells him his a loser, couldnt manage all 4 wives he's had, go pick up some hookers, and he'll gladly make the appointments.
I have to make up for alot of this commotion, and tell him that im sorry, and he's the best for him to compromise.
He's a successful lawyer, very appealing from outside, but he;s horrible dad.
I pray to Christ muchly now, and i've learned he does make things happen.
One day i know i will be strong.
But for now, medication is the only thing that keeps me in one piece.
Thank you for your concern
Matt
poster:mmcconathy
thread:438697
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050103/msgs/439294.html