Posted by Eljakeo25 on October 27, 2004, at 17:17:59
Hey everyone. I was and still doing well on the medication combination I have going for me.
Cymbalta 60mg
Risperdal 2mg night
Klonopin 1 mg BID
Provigil 400-600mg
Adderall 30mg+ dailyHowever when I was at the hospital I was recently Dx with intermittent explosive disorder and even with the positive effects of the medications brightening my mood and stabilizing it, out of no where comes an anger outburst that is verbally directed at others about harm to myself for attention or minor physical display toward inanimate objects. This is a medication post because I am hoping for any advice to what medications my control this impulsivity. (not that I want to be on more meds, but mabe a change from risperdal to a mood stabilizer) However, the stimulants and Klonopin does a great deal controlling some of the impulsivity since as you know I have ADHD and Major Depression along with I.E.D My doctor said at the hospital that ADHD is usually ruled out over IED in terms of impulsivity, but he believed I have two kinds of impulsivity that overlap eachother. To be more specific on my behavior was the example that happenned today. I started out in a good mood, went to school to help a girl with our logic course. Then after helping the girl, I went to the library to study. My mood became a little more depressed for some reason I am not sure of. Then I felt this "Aura" that many people describe before they have seizures, only it was for my impulsivity. I had a "feeling" (but no premeditation of what I may do) that I was on the brink of a severe impulsive episode. I even e-mailed my mom and therapist, letting them know I was feeling this way and I decided that getting off of campus and quicky, back to my apartment, would be the best way to eliminate any posibility for impulsive outbursts. However, on my way home it started. First, Kicking the doors in the library on my way out, then kicking the doors on another building to go through it. Now I was becoming more angry about my lonliness. Then on the walk home I would pass other students and say "They way your feeling now, I have to take five medications to feel the same way, must be nice to not have disability" I started saying this to each person. The I kicked a garbage can saying "screw this society and my life, f* society" (sorry Bob for explicit language but I am being really open here to see if there are any medications that may treat this more effectively) The outburst got worse and became more impulsively destructive towards other people. I would say to a professor walking by, "You people give school so much stress that it makes me want to blow out my brains with a gun. I have a 130 IQ and I always seem to struggle while the graduate students make it just fine without struggle and able to reach their G* D* dreams" (again I said F* this society). Then I walked by every girl and said "So how is your alcoholic boyfriend doing, I bet you love him when he drinks thats why your attracted to him" (because of the misperceptions that I assume most girls at the college level love the obnoxious alcoholic type, and I have been single my whole life). Then I yelled "Hear my anger, this is what lonliness truely feels like, I will take a gun and blow my head off, I will show you what lonliness does to someone who is a good person dealt bad hands". Then I recognized my behavior and decided to rush to the campus health center to get emergency help. But for another 10 minutes, the outbursts continued, saying other things after people ignored me about my fake suicidal threats like "See this whole world is cold, you people are cold, I am about to kill myself and you keep walking as if I don't exist" This is as if I am having a tourette outburst that has meaning to it. "if you people were more nicer, then maybe the terrorists would not blow up our buildings." Well I reached the health center and many frightened people went in there, so I stayed out, all of sudden the impulsivity was over. I just sat down in a corner outside the health center with a blank look on my face, as if I was out of it. Then the police showed up, they told me to raise my hands and they put me into cuffs. The police on campus remember me when I had a similar incedent about a year ago. And they understood that this was psychiatric in nature and told them that I am not suicidal what so ever, but trying to get attention. They believed me because they sorta know my condition. But out of protocol, I was put into the squad car and taken to the university station, where they put me in a cell to cool off and so they can gather information. I was fully cooperative with the police. They later came in and said your mom is here to pick you up and take you home, normally we would commit you to the county mental hospital, but we believe your case is non-threatening and your mother can take you home. And then the officer said, "Your mood seems really good and bright, this is the strangest thing I ever saw, because if you were suicidal for real, you would still look depressed and out of it. It is like you snapped out of the poor behavior into a healthy disposition. So I am here, at school, 3 hours after my horrible impulsivity, feeling pretty good, no ideations about other people, and ready to continue with my studies. I left a message for my pdoc about this incident and asked whether we should try a different medication for these impulsive irrational behaviors. Where they happen for 10 minutes and then I am fine 5 minutes later as if nothing happenned. What do you guys think? Have you heard of stuff like this before? Any advice to medications? I attend therapy sessions frequently. I really need help with this issue and you guys may not know the right answer..but I cannot go from doing well to having a major outburst...then to doing well again in just a half an hour time frame.. That is not healthy...Thanks for reading, I know this is a complicated issue, but I really need some help and insight. I have been to the hospital several times to figure this out but the impusivity is recurrent...Thanks
With your support,
Jake
poster:Eljakeo25
thread:408034
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20041024/msgs/408034.html