Posted by denise1904 on August 18, 2004, at 21:23:19
In reply to Re: Shouldn't there be a limit to this, tried rTMS ?denise1904, posted by SLS on August 18, 2004, at 8:30:05
Hi Scott,
Trying to work out how long altogether you've suffered with this? You say 17 to present but not sure how long this is, is this the amount of years or the age? In your notes you always come across as so logical, in control and composed.
Sorry to ask so many questions but when I start feeling desperate I just tend to start bombarding everyone with questions, like a child I suppose saying "why, why why!"
Having a better day today took my usual medication this morning, mainly because since I've been in Vancouver having rTMS skipped a couple of doses of my antidepressant medication, am supposed to take 40 to 60mg a day and yesterday was the pits.
The worse thing about this depression and when I get into that state is there seems to be absolutely nothing I can do myself to get myself out of it and that's the awful thing. I hate the fact that I seem to have no control over the way I feel. And then I get myself into a turmoil because I want to take control and end it but I know I can't, time seems to stand still and every second is an eternity. I just want the mind I had four years ago back (I know that sounds silly). Knowing that without this medication I feel a total mess scares the hell out of me. I feel that the person I am today is a much much weaker person.
Thanks for reassuring me that I do have Serotonin cells still in that area of my brain, sometimes it feels as though nothing is there, just a rock.
When you had the Pet Scan did they not give you any indication as to why they thought there was no activity?
Three years ago (seems longer I felt as though I was in hell most of the time, and Zyprexa was the only thing that relieved it (thank God for it) nothing seemed to work and I went through the usual combinations including addition of Lithium anyway about a year ago after trying Nardil the psychiatrist decided to try me on Seroxat 40mg again even though it hadn't worked a year earlier and for some reason my life started to feel more bearable. About the same time my mum started going to church to pray for me and a friend started to pray for me too. I'm not particularly religious but something helped, not sure if it was the Seroxat or the prayers but it's worth bearing in mind.
How are you feeling lately Scott after the me me me bits and do you ever wonder what the hell happened or do you know?
Just to give you some backround to me.
Approx 17 to 24 Mild Depression
Hit approx 24 and started to feel worse.
24 to 27 - Depression free with Prothiaden (Dothiepin)
27 to 32 - Depression free with Seroxat.
32 to 35 - Depression free with no medication.
35 - Suicidal Depression, tried all sorts of medication.
Denise
poster:denise1904
thread:378449
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040817/msgs/379283.html