Posted by pretty_paints on August 7, 2004, at 20:21:26
Pleease please if anyone can caalm me down I'd be very grateful!
Ok, I'm being treated for depression & anxiety/mild OCD. Now, I know the "standard" info about bipolar disorder (it seems to be all the same on the internet), and never considered it really. I can't remember any obvious manic episode in my life. However I've just read an article that a girl who really thinks she has bipolar wrote and it totally freaked me out because it sounded it exactly like me :(
Now, of course, this girl may be wrong. But just to be sure, I thought I'd just describe some typical things I have, and see what you guys think. I know that I really should just GO TO BED right now instead of reading about things and panicking - but I cant help it..- Sadness/blacknes/emptiness/guilt etc
- No physical energy
- No interest in things or people
- Oversleeping
- No appetiteBUT also,
- Major anxiety and worrying
- Racing thoughts. Usually about health issues (hehe, this is a prime example!!) - that could be due to the obesseive in me though. Just generally never being able to switch my head off!
- Irritable
- Really bad temper/flying off the handle at really small things
- Saying totally inappropriate things and not caring (chatting graphically about sex with my younger brother or dad, unlike before)
- Sometimes feeling like I'm so much better than other people (but at the same time, feeling low), getting exasperated with people who dont understand things
- Yelling at people and thinking I'm the authority on everything (of course I know, you understand, that I'm not. So I still have that logic. But just now and again I loose my temper and think that I understand everything so much better than anyone else, hmm).Sometimes for example, I'll look in the mirror and think "wow, I look totally great", and am convinced for a moment I'm the most attractive person in the street - but at the same time, I'm feeling a baaadness inside. Its so crazy. Its like my body has depression (slow, heavy, no energy) and my brain has big fat panic. Arnt things supposed to move in slow motion when you have depression?? Mine seems to be all frantic and busy. *I* feeel slow. But the world looks like its moving fast. And my thoughts feel like they're jumping all over the place. Does that make any sense?
I dunno. Maybe I am just panicking and over-reacting. I'm on 300mg Efexor at the mo and that hasnt pushed me into anything manic - which it would do, wouldn't it, if I was indeed bipolar?? (I keep reading about people who only realised they were bp after being put on AD's). My pdoc has said that next time I see her she wants to add something sedating to the Efexor. So maybe this is all due to anxiety? And of course the slight OCD, which makes me even more focussed on finding out what could be wrong. I hope so.
However, a little while back, my pdoc said that if 300mg Efexor didnt work, she would add to it another AD or possibly Lithium. Now eeek. That threw me. Obviously, Lithium being a stabiliser. My GP said though, that adding Lithium might just be to augment the Efexor - to make it a more potent antidepressant. Who knows.
I was fine until I read that person's post, but now, grrrrr.
Anyway, anyone at all, please write back? I'm feeling a bit deflated coz I've done some posts today and no-one has replied at all. And people on here usually give good feedback, so thats why I'm trying again! ANYONE! Whether you're bipolar yourself and think "hey, I had that" or "No way, this girl is on the wrong lines" - or whether you just have an inckling or a view! Id be very grateful.
And for me, it is 2:19am and I really should try to go FORGET all this, go to bed, read a book and try to sleep (note: I only dont feel tired coz I slept most of the day). Kate
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
poster:pretty_paints
thread:375168
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040805/msgs/375168.html