Posted by lorily on July 23, 2004, at 8:48:08
In reply to Re: Anyone had success on Effexor XR? » corafree, posted by PoohBear on July 22, 2004, at 13:01:54
I can relate to the "what about my survivors?" facet of contemplating suicide. That, and being afraid that I would just suffer more and not succeed stopped me. Once I actually got in the tub with a box-cutter type razor, but when I opened it , it was the serated edge type and I couldn't cu tmyself. My cat was up at the side of the tub and I looked at him and what I was doing and called 911.
When I was suicidal about 2 years ago I was trying to figure out how to get it done quick. My thoughts did not seem irrational at all but it always lead to how it would effect someone else. Of course my mom and immediate family were in there, but I somehow thought they'd understand or something. If I took a bottle of pills, what would it do to my landlords when they found me? I pictured the look on the driver's face of the truck I considered jumping in front of. Then, I thought of an acquaintance who had shown me her gun (which I wouldn't even touch at that time) and wondered how could I get her to do that again and somehow leave me in the room alone with it?
I'd snap to it, sort of and just put it off for another time when I had a better plan, then proceed to drink a pint or two of whiskey. Here I wanted to do it quickly, but was torturing myself poisoning myself and killing myself slowly with alcohol.
And still I did not think I should HAVE to take medication, except the trazadone to help with the insomnia.
Finally, one drunken night in a moment of clarity I called someone to come get me into a hospital or come over because I was afraid I was going to die of alcohol poisoning or go into a seizure. After she called back saying she'd be there in 10 mins, I passed out, woke up 12 hours later in the ER, alcohol poisoning I was at 500 level.
That was when I changed my life agreeing to Effexor. That was 1-1/2 years ago. Today I am free. I'm off meds totally just over a week and keeping a close eye on myself :)
Wow, I really have come a long way!!!!!!
poster:lorily
thread:13781
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040719/msgs/369323.html