Posted by CindyLou on July 15, 2004, at 9:06:43
In reply to Re: Alcohol - an equivalent? » CindyLou, posted by Caper on July 15, 2004, at 2:36:08
Hi Caper.
Wow. Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I am sorry to hear about what hell you have been through. How wonderful of you, though, to use your pain to help others.Everything you said rings so true. I was a big "binge" drinker when I was younger, and actually stopped drinking when I was 27 because a therapist told me I was an alcoholic. Even though I didn't drink every day, or hide the alcohol, or drink at work, and even though I could stop (usually), she said it was just a matter of time before I crossed the "invisible line" from emotional need to physical dependency. I stopped drinking for 10 years. It was only about a year ago or so when I had a glass of wine with dinner when we were out with friends. I felt so free and unencumbered. I thought, "this could really help with my PMS and anxiety, if I kept things to one or two glasses." And I was right. It was amazing and kind of scary how much it helps.
But I still remember that "invisible line" my therapist told me about all those years ago. And I know I must have alcoholic tendencies if it has such a profound effect on me. It's interesting -- my mother, who is 80 years old, has been drinking 2-3 Canadian Clubs and waters every night for as long as I can remember. My dad drank martinis. He was never a "stumbling" drunk or anything, but I know he numbed his emotions/anxiety/depression with alcohol, as I am doing now.
I did tell my pdoc about this love affair with alcohol. He wanted to try and increase my Lithobid to 600 mg., thinking that my BPII was to blame. I still can't get above 450 due to the fatigue. I have an appointment with him on Monday, and plan to go over this with him again. I know it is no light matter.
I will definitely check out the substance board here on PsychoBabble. That is a new addition since I used to be a "regular."
Thank you again so much for your openness and honesty.
Take care,
cindy> Hi I'm Caper.
>
> I'm going to give my opinion on your questions, for what it's worth. Hope it helps.
>
> Okay, first of all, I'm an alcoholic. No question about it. Depression came years and years before, but now I've been an alcoholic for somewhere between a year and year and a half.
>
> Again these are just my own opinions, but I've been in and out of detoxes many times since October, so maybe some of what I've learned is true.
>
> First, I think just the fact that you are wondering if your alcohol intake and pattern of drinking are okay is a sign that they might not be. People without a problem or not on their way to a problem don't have these doubts/questions. They also don't usually worry about hiding the fact that they've been drinking or about what others may think about it.
>
> Second, I think you may be like me when I started on my way to addiction: you're numbing your emotions, and then you have a break from thinking of whatever it is that makes you depressed in the first place.
>
> Third, there's not much difference between Klonopin and Valium- both are long-acting benzodiazepines. So I'm doubtful Valium is your answer.
>
> Fourth, I'm also diagnosed bipolar II, and have recently been informed by different doctors that about 60% of bipolars end up with a drug addiction/abuse problem. Self-medicating.
>
> I'm not sober now (I mean truly sober...I'm not drunk right now, just not consistently sober) so maybe I have no business giving advice, but I'm going to anyway of course! *smile*
>
> Please be careful! Alcoholism is hell on earth and eventually hurts everyone around you too. And it sneaks up in such a subtle way. I think of it almost as a person- it's my own personal devil. I used like you described at first, then a little more and a little more, etc. A little ended up becoming 6 bottles of wine a day or (when I switched to the hard stuff because wine made me gain too much weight) a litre to a litre and half of vodka a day. In less than a year I was drinking daily an amount of alcohol that would have killed a woman my size the year before. I've backed off considerably, but I'm still so incredibly messed up, and still so shocked that this happened to ME.
>
> If I were you, I'd tell your doctors how you've been feeling. That was my first step. But if you cannot do that (I know it would be hard) start by doing some internet research, or even just checking out the substance use board here on babble.
>
> I hope some of this might help or clarify things a little, and that I didn't sound too preachy. I just get so emotional when I hear of someone who may be about to fall into the alcoholism trap. I think "oh no, please no, don't let it get you!"
>
> Best wishes to you (and the newest addition to your family- Congratulations on that!) Take care.
>
> Caper
>
>
>
> > Hello,
> > This is an issue that has been plaguing me, and I wasn't sure where to turn. I used to be a frequent poster here, and I thought of you here at PsychoBabble. I hope someone can shed some light on this ...
> >
> > A short background: I have struggled with chronic depression and anxiety for about 20 years now. I have been on several different medications, and combos of meds, over the years. Things really changed for me about 4 years ago after having my daughter -- my whole hormonal/chemical makeup really went crazy. I surely had postpartum depression, and, in looking back, probably some postpartum psychosis as well. Since then, I have been extremely sensitive to meds. Since then also, I have been diagnosed with BPII.
> >
> > All this to say, the ONLY "med" that really gives me true relief is ALCOHOL. I used to be a big partier, and I stopped drinking for about 10 years. Recently, I started having a glass of wine here and there, and it is amazing how much better it makes me feel. With a glass of wine, or a beer, I all of a sudden can make dinner with no problem, change a poopy diaper with no problem, clean with no problem, be patient with my kids with no problem. My anxiety and irritability all but disappear. It is like a miracle drug for me.
> >
> > But then there is the stigma. And the chance of addiction. And the embarrassment when a neighbor comes over and I have beer on my breath. I am able to keep things to two drinks at the most per day right now. However, I know in my heart this is probably not smart.
> >
> > SO my big question is ... what is the alternative? Is there any med out there that mirrors alcohol? Valium, maybe? (That's one I've never tried, since one of the symptoms of meds for me is fatigue. My pdocs say that Valium would knock me out.) I do take Klonapin for anxiety, but can only handle it at night because at the dose it is effective, it makes me need to sleep. (even 1/2 tablet -- 0.25 mg. -- knocks me out). Same issue with Xanax.
> >
> > My current "cocktail" --
> > - 450 mg. Lithobid,
> > - 5 mg. Prozac (just started this, but have taken it several times in the past and it always "poops out" on me after two months -- we are hoping that with the Lithobid it will last longer),
> > - 5 or 10 mg. Dexedrine for energy during the day,
> > - 0.25 or 0.5 mg. Klonapin at night for sleep.
> >
> > Needless to say, I have tried all the SSRIs out there. And the tricyclics. I just stopped Lexapro after a year due to "poop-out" (Lots of poop references in this post! We adopted a baby recently, so I guess I have poop on the brain!)
> >
> > Looking forward to some insight on this sticky issue!
> > Thanks,
> > Cindy
> >
> >
>
>
poster:CindyLou
thread:366129
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040714/msgs/366420.html