Posted by ST on June 21, 2004, at 0:53:05
In reply to Decided to go off Depakote after ten years..., posted by ST on May 31, 2004, at 5:57:18
Hi,
It's been over four weeks since I went off Depakote and I am glad I did. My friends notice I am returning my old self and that I have a spark in my eye once more. My creativity is once again starting to flow and I am feeling everything, like it or not.
The sedation I've experienced over the past ten years on Depakote gave me a certain stability, but I felt numb. I now feel e v e r y t h i n g. It's amazing. Things stress me out a little since I'm now not a zombie. There is so much stimuli and my mind takes it all in, as if I am a prisoner having just been released. It is, in turns, exhilarhating and overwhelming.
My boyfriend of seven years notices these changes and others that are also positive. He has not noticed any signs of hypo-mania, nor have my friends, who are watching me closely. Since I was always prone to deep, deep depressions and not hypo-mania (I had one episode), I feel that perhaps going off Depakote is right for me at this time. I'm sleeping well and I have not noticed any rush in thoughts or agitation or euphoria.
My natural personality was one of energy and optimism. My mind and tongue were always sharp. These were not sympoms of hypo-mania, but my personality at it's base level, when I was not depressed. So at first I worried that as the Depakote left my system, people would see these traits return in me and instantly assume hypo-mania. But no - my old friends say they recognize me again!
I'm under the care of a pdoc who agrees with this chnage in my medication (I am still on Wellbutrin, but slowly weaning off Serzone, due to the liver toxicity factor). I'm under no illusion that I'm "fixed" or that I will never experience once again the hell of being bi polar. I'm well aware that I will fall in to the depths of despair or feel euphoric swings throughout my life. I will continue to watch that the spark in my eye does not turn in to a raging fire.
Thanks for listening!
Sarah
PS: In no way do I promote that those who have been diagnosed with bp or any other disorder go off their medication. Antidepressants saved my life and medications for the mentally ill are a godsend for so many. This is simply a choice I have made that I feel is right for me.
poster:ST
thread:352307
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040614/msgs/358477.html