Posted by Mila S on May 31, 2004, at 19:35:03
In reply to Re: To Zeugma others: Rotting in bed. Please Advise » Mila S, posted by zeugma on May 31, 2004, at 4:56:53
thanks, the vivactil did not seem to help. Although I was also taking lamictal, adderal, and welbutrin at the same time.
Vegetative depression--is that the kind of depression where you basically have no motivation and stay in bed all the time?
In addition to that, I cry a whole lot, to the point of wanting to scream. Thank god for the xanax (but I'm running out!).
I have also been having major self-esteem issues for the first time. This has to do with my having a depressed personality around others. When people get to know me one on one they like me. However, socially, I am utterly boring. I have no interest in conversation. When I do engage myself with others, i come off blunted. My ex was an extremely talkative, interesting person who everyone enjoyed having around. I feel one of the reasons he left me was because I was not lively enough. So that has excerbated the self-esteem problem to the point where it has really become a problem. Before it did not weigh on me as much.
How is a depressed person supposed to forge long-term friendships and find a partner? I feel really hopeless about that. The isolation is killing me. Seems I need a live-in coach to make me get out of bed, brush my teeth, etc.
The repetitive movements I make seem to be a coping mechanism. I had no idea they could be suggestive of any kind of autism.
I'm also wondering if the crying/screaming sessions, n which I writhe on the floor, and get extremely tense are panic attacks. They don't seem to fit the profile of a panic attack. In the past they got so bad that I would let my body collide into things or bang my head against the wall. Then I'd end up in the emergency room.
I am trying really hard right now not to let it get to that point.I really still want to do philosophy (in language and mind). But I am so tired of trudging through (college and grad school) by the skin of my teeth (constantly missing class, getting incompletes, losing weeks at a time, having no social life, etc). I'm afraid that if I take a leave of absence, I will just end up spending more time in bed. So I have opted for a partial TA-ship, but If I don't get better, I won't be able to fullfill my obligations. The department is already wary of me. They want me to take leave next semester. I don't think I can leave without losing medical insurance.
I was wondering what kind of philosophy you do and which meds have helped you the most with concentration and motivation. Caffine(coffee) makes me nauseous, so that is not an option for me. Also, have you tried exercise for your low energy problems? Lastly, you say TCA's can help adjust one's schedule because they are sedating. My problem is even if I fall asleep at a decent time at night, I am still sleepy during the day. And if I force myself to stay up say 24 hours and try to got o bed at 9PM, I fall asleep, but I awake by around 2AM. It seesm my body just wants to stay up at night and sleep during the day no matter how much sleep or lack of sleep I have had.
You say you keep yourself up all night to help you feel better when working. I heard somewhere that sleep deprivation attenuates depression. Unfortunately it is not a feasible treatment given all the negative effects it has. However, currently researchers are working on a medication that "keeps awake" the relevant area of the brain, whilst the rest of the body sleeps in order to force the benefical effects of sleep deprivation on depression.
poster:Mila S
thread:349631
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040527/msgs/352501.html