Posted by Sad Panda on May 28, 2004, at 3:02:48
In reply to Reupdate on the psychosis, posted by 1980Monroe on May 28, 2004, at 1:24:46
> Thank heaven it was drug induced, i was almost going to have to run to a pastor's house near mine and scream GET THEM AWAY FROM ME!!!! goodness thank god i didnt. But indeed it was significantly was the most horrifying experience i've EVER had, i do belive it had some spiritual envolvement, but thats just my opnion.. I knew it was the psychosis, but really i thought i was really having a poltergist happening to me, i almost started to take cover to get ready for plates and chairs start flying everywhere.
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> Well alrright, sorry i havent posted in a while, i'm still going to some serious church counseling, i thought i was having demonic harasment, and i was even paranoid to even type a post talking about demons becuase i thought they may come again.
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> What really made me paranoid that it was spirits, my right hand had slash marks across my right hand, that HURT! and it just appreared out of no where, goodness, i rerember i just started screaming GET AWAY FROM ME! in JESUS NAME! and of course that didnt help, all i saw was "HAHAHAHA" and "LOL"(you know that laugh out loud abreviation they use on AIM) written on the ceiling, "Would you like some more?", i just screamed NOO NO! GET AWAY FROM ME! "No more Slashes?, too bad" and "paging Mr. Supergay, mr. supergay, come in please, HAHAHAHAHA", dont ask..... then just more "HAHAHA" everywhere, i just closed my eyes. But more slashes appeared anyway.
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> Many of those short cut scenes i saw started turning becoming even more disturibing. One was like a mirror, i acually saw myself curled up in the corner, but it was on the wall! if i moved my hand or arm i could see myself on the wall! or as if it were a view point if someone was looking at me, and it would change angles, lke move around in at dirffernt view points. I looked closer to see the detail, which was accurate, then i tried to look closer, "Yes, i see you" appeared. I got up, tore thought my house, and ran to the couch and grabbed my bible.
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> This last part of the psychosis or poltergist or what ever it was really out of reality. Either i saw int o the spiurtual remlm of im just having EXTREME hallucinons's. I rerember i just held my bible across because it made me feel safe. I rermber felt my body seem to go numb and the room started to just fade out of color, i rerember i kept focusing harder and harder, the more i did, the more the room faded, and i began to see other tbings beyond reality, or at least i thought, i pray it was just my imagingation. I started seeing just glows of light around the room, about 3 of them, thought it was just a distortion of my mind, i continualy would go in and out of this state, it was energy draining! everytime i would focus, and saw this "relm" which usally only lasted for about 8 seconds, i would be INCREDIBLY exhauseted after it, and i mean like exhausted like after a the boston marathon. But after the 4th time i entered it again, thast when the real terror came, i saw HUGE!! outlines of beasts about 8-9 feet tall, you talk about big ass, that tops the meaning. It was horrifying to even focus on it, i had to leave the state, and again i was really exhauseted this time, i mean i was breatihing soo hard, i was almost hyperventlating. I told myself, i dont think ill go back there anymore, and i didnt focus on anyting anymore.
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> That didnt make it better, claw marks started streaking down the walls, and those were big ass too, similar to what ever i saw claw, and ceiling, and then everywhree! started moving closer to me, and rermber i was soo overwhelming i started crying and screaming STOP IT! BACK OFF, GET THE HELL AWAY FROm me, got 3 bibles and opened all of them, and just stated reading random scripure yea i know, thats would really have to be horrifying to do that to me. The claws now were almost on me, and now i could see these beasts almost gaining up on me, there were at least 7or 8 of them they were at least a foot in front of me, ive never seen some thing as danm butt ass ugly as they were, they deifintly were now demons for sure. At this point i screamed JESUS, GOD, HELP!!!!!!!! please! kept saying i now have faith in you! get them away from me!!!!, why are letting them do this to me!!! this is a coiecidence, but the wind outside picked up INCREDIBLY adn roared, my fireplace had HIGH pitch howling them screaming sound noices that roared for at least 7 to 10 seconds, i shut my eyes.
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> After that, everything went back to COMPLETE normal, i was acually back in reality, i thought i was dreaming. i looked at hte room, everything looked exatly like i usally does, no writings, the room wasnt tented red anymore, no blood marks or drips from the ceiling, no claw marks, no moving horror clips, no horrible faces looking at me, as if what i experieced never existed, C-L-E-A-R! i could of swarn those claw marks were soo real, i could almost touch them, and the blood! goodness i thought my carpet was drenched with it, and was spilling out of the washing machine. my god i started droped on the floor and started crying again because it was all over. I was soo exhausted, i feel asleep on the floor, and slept with all 3 bibles kept open just in case.
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> Goodness, i just realized how much ive written, im exhauseted now. But i am still seeing counselors. But i have came to a logical conclusion about the slashes on my hand bcecause of the swelling of my hand, it the creves in my skin to puff up, resembling exactly a slash, i mean my doctor was even convinced. But still cannot explain where the swelling came from. I told my pdoc everything what i put on this post, i rerember i begged him for an anti-psychotic, but he thinks we should wait, and see if i have another episode, without taking my other meds. What happned was i took 750mg of Wellbutrin XL, yea thats alot, i told myself not to take the much! but i didnt listen, and then 60mg of adderall lather in the day to finsih up some papers. My pdoc again got after me about it, he said if it is requrired, i would try Moban, if those bad episodes comeback. But i told him, even a couple days after crazy experice, i some of hte symptomes still came back, i looked the ceiling again 2 dayts later, and "were still here, matt mcconathy" i just ignored and trid to forget think its my imagination, hopefully it is. Ive never had this kind of psychotic harasment before, so i do need to talk with him some more.
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> As for my spiritual doctor, or counslor, he said much of the epeisode was from the reaction, BUT if there were spirits that were interfearing, they took atvantage of my distorted reality, which usally they cant interfere with your actuall phyical persception when you in a noraml state. Spiritual Warfare, he said could be classified as this, usaly demonic infuence tries to make a christain unstable, adn there have been reports of slashes before, and even some psychosis cases. But he did say the drug reaction defiently intensified the experience, if there was any demonic harasment. I defirntly have been unstable as a christain, ill grow close then doubt, usally this is when demonic influence will occur, he advised me to grow closer to the word, and make it a point to trust and have faith in god
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> Does anymone know if this could be considered symptoms of an oncoming disorder? Thanks sorry about the MASSIVE post
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>Welcome back, I trust that you won't be abusing your stimulants again any time soon. :) What are your normal daily doseages? I think that it's probably relatively safe to abuse amphetamines occasionally, but Wellbutrin might be much more of a crap shoot.
Cheers,
Panda.
poster:Sad Panda
thread:351373
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040527/msgs/351383.html