Posted by Zilla on March 29, 2004, at 5:08:01
I know you all don't know me but I wanted to say to misliz, thanks for the post you made. I am 25 years old and live with a very wealthy man who is old enough to be my father because I have passed the point where I am stable enough to support myself even though I have 3 (yes three) college degrees. I am very unfulfilled by him except for the fact that he is rich and being his girlfriend allows me to lay around the house all day while I am high as a kite. I am constantly searching for a new source for painkillers. They used to be a recreational thing. But every time I take them they have always made me feel so good and everything is fun. When I was a teenager I lived on a farm and my mom had hydrocodone and oxycodone and codeine always in the medicine cabinet for her back pain. She was probably an addict herself but I will never know for sure. It only took a little experimentation to figure out that I could be shoveling horse shit out in the barn but somehow be having a ball if I just popped 4 of those pain pills first. I could empty a bottle in 4 days but for some reason she never questioned me and always had limitless refills.
Anyway I've done the antidepressants and therapy. I tried religious exercise and followed a healthy diet too for a few years. I looked great and felt fantastic. But somehow I fell out of it and now here I am seeking painkillers like my life depends on it. I can't get painkillers from any doctors around here, I am labeled a drug seeker on my medical records. So I have half a dozen foreign connections for obtaining almost any narcotic I want. At one time in my life that would have seemed like a dream come true, I used to fantasize about having giant bags full of vicoden. But instead, I am so miserable I don't know how much longer I can physically take it. I have never been the suicidal type but I am so depressed that my life is at a standstill. I both look forward to and dread checking my mailbox because there is a good chance there will be a big fat package full of pills waiting for me.
*sigh*I never imagined in a million years that the thing that brought be such a unique and wonderful sensation would turn into this nasty, life-stopping force.
poster:Zilla
thread:329737
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040329/msgs/329737.html