Posted by adam canada on March 5, 2004, at 16:45:44
i am adam and im 20. i always had social anxiety. but what really came to ruin my life was severe depression and perhaps other forms of anxiety. but maybe that is all from the depression. but also to occompany this are hot pains in my head. like my head feels real hot and it's excrutiating at times and no doctor could ever tell me what it was. but like one forum member mcmac it gets better as the depressive illness gets better. they seem to go hand in hand. the social anxiety i had before was big. hard to make friends, shakey when walking by people, fears of talking to certain people, cautious of how people see me. this was something to make things hard but it was nothing compared to what was to come after an accutane incident. the harsh depression made me lose all my once loved hobbies, and i would just feel terrible all the time and the head pains would come along with how severe the depression was.
this was under some sort of control for 1 and a half years. even more. as after trying 12+ medications i was put on paxil and i was starting to get better at one of the worst times. i got better over weeks. and then started to not be in severe mental pains in maybe a month. who knows. i would start to enjoy school and certain small hobbies, like us playing cricket as part of a school lesson. i was starting to be happy to be alive.
since then it would stay around there but would fluctuate but usually not a lot. i was able to talk to people to limited degrees. even meet certain people when i felt good enough. it was nice to meet people. but sometimes i still felt so uneasy as i felt what if i feel bad suddenly, what if im boring, what if this... i would have social fears. but this was nothing as to how bad i was before the paxil.
i would manage to have small hobbies. playing cards each week. and um i guess going on the internet. having one good friend who i could talk to about anything, one single friend to understand me as he was going through something similar. one who doesnt call anymore though.
now since 2 weeks ago it's been worse. so i dunno what could have happened. one of few changes was me starting excersize. i dunno if it helped my mood. would this burn out paxil from your body quicker? i dunno how this could relate to me feeling worse. also i recently tried some dexedrine. dex and ritalin were one of the few things to trully make me feel closest to my normal self. i would have so much more motivation on them than any of the meds i been on. life would feel pleasant at times on them. i took low doses too. as i got them from my friend than doctors. it was nice to have energy motivation and ability to enjoy things. and another change... like a month ago or 3 weeks ago i attempted lesser paxil. like 8.5mg instead of my usual 10mg. i would cut off edges. it didnt seem to go well at the end of a few weeks so i quickly went back to 10mg.
this major dep and head pains got worse for me starting tuesday night.
could paxil be losing it's effectiveness after this long time? and i am really unsure on ativan. it seems if i take too much i feel worse but if i take too little i feel worse anyway. i really dunno what to do about it. i take 1mg to 2mg of ativan a day.
meds i been on are all srri's except luvox. it seems most of them make me feel worse. celexa made me feel so horrendous and the burning pains would be beyond belief. worsening of dep due to ssri's seems to not be uncommon from some of the posts on this forum. yet why dont most doctors believe this? god i hate doctors.
i also been on zyprexa (got rid of the head pains but turns you into a zombie, sleep always), effexor (worse), reboxetine, buspar, moclobemide, lithium, adrafinil (made me feel great one evening and couldnt stop thinking about things... pleasant thoughts, and that was it), sam-e, ritalin, dexedrine, and probably others. as well as ECT which ruined my memory quite a bit.
and my current symptoms are lack of motivation, severe hot head pains that come when depression is at it's worst... it seems tylenol, aleve, and others dont do much for this. yet tylenon 3 helps but then again it helps everyone in it's mild high effect. also difficult to enjoy things, lack of interest, difficulty concentrating, fear of talking to people, fear of feeling bad around people, difficulty getting out of bed... this only happened as well as many of these since tuesday! when everything got worse! crying fits(tremendously worse), over tired (much worse), always wanting to sleep (super worse), not wanting to do anything (much worse), lack of appetite (quite worse), and just it has been so hard for me.
i felt so desperate at times in these last 4 days that i felt like going to a hospital but the last one i was at all they believed in was talk therapy. whatever. if i had cancer i am just so sure talking would cure me (sarcasm). people dont consider this type of stuff real illness. it's a shame.
so currently i am thinking of increasing my paxil.
any suggestions on what meds can help me? like tianeptine or something? works opposite of ssri's so maybe opposite effect, instead of worse... better. i dunno.
i just have no motivation for anything. and i am losing my net friends as i am unable to talk to them or relate to them as the same level as before.
at times the pains are so bad i just dunno what may happen to me. thank god it is at this very moment not as bad as it was this morning.
what can help me? any ideas. i have never felt so bad in years. and what could help these head pains as it relates directly to the depression?
will increasing the paxil likely help?
poster:adam canada
thread:320760
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040304/msgs/320760.html