Posted by PoohBear on January 23, 2004, at 19:32:38
I want to take an opportunity to thank so many people that have given input on these boards. It's wonderful to be able to have a place to come to research some of the issues surrounding medications and mental illness, and to be able to do it in a non-threatening atmosphere.
The past four months Have been the start of a journey for me, both mentally and chemically. Mentally because I can now actually refer to myself and "mental illness" in the same sentence without any qualms and chemically, because my doctor and I are finally beginning to get a better idea of what medications my brain does the best on.
A series of circumstances pushed me to get help last August and the results are better than I could have imagined. There's been a lot of good, but some bad as well.
Seven years ago when I sought counseling help it was for ADHD, not for the neuro-chemical depressed portion of my life, even though test showed that was indicated as well.
At that time even saying I had "ADD" was bad enough, when many people didn't know what it was and those who did assumed that it was something you grew out of. (Some researchers now say that you never do...) I could not have applied the term "mentally ill" to myself, for the same reasons that millions of mentally ill people face prejudice and avoidance now: it was something I didn't understand and more than that, it was something I DIDN'T WANT to understand:
I could understand a broken leg or needing an operation, but not a "broken" brain. ADHD was as close to admitting that my brain was "broken" as I could get at that time. So what's changed?
Circumstances I guess. I got to a point where I could no longer hide and knew I needed help. I got to the point where I didn't really know who I really was or what my true potential could be. I'm nearly 47; I've been around the block a few times, and I've also spent a tremendous amount of my time wondering what "normal" really was and why I wasn't "it". How come so many of the people around me were able to relate interpersonally in a more contructive way? Why did I feel so sad all the time?
My defining moment?
Standing in the kitchen at our former associate pastor's home before dinner when she said, "So Tony, what brings you joy in your life these days?" My answer?
"I don't even know what joy is."
That was before Effexor.
Now I know what joy is: happiness, even in the midst of sorrow.
For all the negative posts regarding Effexor, I have to say that it gave me my life back. I can't say that it "saved" my life, because even though I had a lot of suicidal thoughts, the idea of going through with something that permanent was NOT something I seriously entertained, but I was pretty messed up. This is a definition I found for clinical depression:
"Any FIVE of the nine and we're in trouble: Mood depressed; sleep disturbed; interest and enjoyment blunted; guilt feelings and self reproach; energy gone, replaced by exhaustion; concentration shot, replaced by indecisiveness; appetite and/or weight problems; psychomotor agitation or retardation; suicidal thoughts."
WOW! I scored 8 out of 9.
Effexor helped with all of the above, but for a price: there were some side effects, but these are mostly under control with lower doseages and time. It takes TIME for these drugs to start to change the way your brain functions. It doesn't all happen overnight.
The biggest problems for me were the disruption of sleep (not that good under the best of circumstances) and erectile/climax function. The latter has been helped with Wellbutrin. For the former I've tried:
1. Ativan. This works the best, but it's a controlled substance and addictive. So, on to:
2. Trazadone. I'm a poster child for the people for whom drugs just don't work the way they're supposed to. At least I got nothing out of this one except disturbing dreams.
3. Seroquel: Bad dreams, no help getting to sleep, hung-over feeling in the morning...
4. Remeron. This provided the 2nd best sleep out of the bunch, but at a terrible price: over ten pounds gained in two weeks!!!
5. Topomax. This one gets the job done (crosses fingers under table...), plus it might help take off some of the weight and moderate my moods a little better to boot.
So there ya go. The start of a long road to mental wellness. That and educating as many people as I can along the way that people with mental illnesses deserve respect and compassion.
Better living through chemistry. Oh, and we haven't even tackled the ADHD yet...
Y'all have a nice weekend!
Tony
poster:PoohBear
thread:304801
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040122/msgs/304801.html