Posted by sexylexy on January 7, 2004, at 13:56:19
Hi All!
I actually posted a few miniutes ago but am not sure where my post went so I decided to try to share again.
I have been reading this site for quite a while now but this is my first hand at trying to post so please bear with me!
A little background... I am a 24 year old female, graduate student finishing up my master in therapy/social work this April. My family and boyfriend live in the south while I am in school farther north. I had never before been depressed and was actually always noted as "the strong one". I about 5 months ago, I began taking the birth control pill. I started with terrible PMDD and from there it would build weeks until for the entire month I would be crying all the time, angry and thinking everything was negitiave and everyone hated me ect.
I wrote it off to being homesick but when I returned home for a fall break everything got worse because it did not get better like I had anticpated. During my ten day home, my parents and boyfriend where very scared, I wanted to die,I was crying constantly and having terrible negitiave thoughts. Finally, my father read something about birth control pill leading to depression. I stopped taking the pill and within 24 hours was a new person.
I returned to school feeling like myself again. After 10 days a tragedy struck my family. I took it well at first but then as I started to feel sad, I got terrified that I would become depressed again, like a phobia of depression, of course the anxiety lead my body back in the the "learned" habit of depression. After returning home, I was able to pull out of it. I went back to school and had 21 days where I was really starting to "come though it".
Then my boyfriend and I who never fight, got into a huge fight, I freaked out and again my body went into the extreme anxiety which lead to the depression. At this point I started to have horrible suicidal thoughts. I have never wanted to harm myself but it was as if my body was so scared that it felt like that was the way out.
I knew my next step needed to be medication. I began taking Zoloft the next day. That was a nightmare, Iwas a complete zombie, had weird sensations in my left siniuses, extreme maliase and terrible nightmare. After 3 weeks the anxiety was gone but the depression was terrible.
I finally contacted my doctor and he prescribed me Lexapro. I took 5mg the first 4 days and then started taking 10mg. Tomorrow will be my first day of my third week. I started feeling a little bit better after the first week. A lot of the hypersensitivity has gone along with the crying spells. I have also become a little more social though I am having to force myself. I also feel very tenitave and hesitant, even a little scared to get better although its what I want more than anything.
Sometimes it gets so hard because I don't know if my thoughts are the "depression voice" or my actual thoughts.I wish that one morning I would wake up and a light would shine from God and then I would be all better, "me" again.
I would love to hear all of your experiences and any encouragement you can give on depression as well as Lexapro. God bless you all and keep us all close.
MA
poster:sexylexy
thread:297696
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040105/msgs/297696.html