Posted by aerobar on January 5, 2004, at 23:36:22
I am a 41 yr old female and am having to come accept that something is different about me. I was diagnosed as unipolar about 8 years ago and have been on various AD - now 40 mg Celexa. I've had 2 major depression episodes (never hospitalized).
Recently I was fired from my job (again). I 've been fired or quit jobs most of my life. After working at a job for a while, I begin to think I know more than my boss and take on more than I am assigned. I work late, and work hard. It really pisses off my bosses especially if I find solutions to problems they couldn't resolve, or better them up. I usually get fired for working outside my job duties.
I have changed careers numerous times, have numerous college degrees, and now that I am unemployed again, I am thinking of going back to school for another degree and another new career.
This time I am in real trouble because I have accumulated over $20,000 in credit card debt, bought a new truck on a whim with payments I can't afford, and am going to have to sell my house.
I have always abused charge cards and somehow managed to keep a good credit rating, but now I am slipping. My family is having to help me financially and they are not happy about it.
Furthermore, I have had an awful time sleeping for almost a year, and have often had to take sleeping pills to get some zzzzzz's.
Also, I have been using alcohol quite a bit lately. When I have a few drinks, I feel like a princess. I feel creative, sexy, smart, etc. I find that I look forward to these times. My friends and family have insisted I stop, so I am doing my best to attend AA. I get a few weeks sobriety, then suddenly have a couple glasses of wine and fall off the wagon.
Sometimes I hate myself and feel worthless and do not want to do anything. Other times I love life and am making creative plans for new adventures and projects. My toy box is full of new adventures - golf clubs, mountain bikes, skiis, camping gear, climbing gear, etc. Most of them I use, but some of the the purchases I am embarrassed about.
Since I lost my job over a month ago, I really can't sleep, am having serious memory problems, difficulty concentrating, and cannot stand noise (even the TV gets on my nerves)
Relationships? I had more than I care to admit. I get into really screwy relationships and can't seem to get out of them until the other person leaves. Then I feel abandoned, alone, and quickly go out and get into another or sleep around to build my self esteem.
Well, that is all for now. If anyone has any suggestions I would appreciate it. Thanks for letting me vent.
poster:aerobar
thread:296964
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040105/msgs/296964.html