Posted by Brown_cow on January 1, 2004, at 19:30:56
I have been trying to start on an exercise program, noting too tough, just some treadmill walking and weights, but I get an odd feeling as I try to jump to it.
I hadn't recognized it before because I keep myself occupied usually, but I get the feeling that "I'm not worth it." Kind of like the energy drains out of my body all of a sudden leaving me with less power to make changes in my life.
It is a kind of strange feeling, like a mix of hopelessness and frustration in the background. Probably not too far fetched as I had quite the tough time fighting for my life while getting over an industrial accident of sorts (a long illness). But that part of things is supposed to be over, and I'm supposed to be on my way up ... things getting better all the time. Going to college again at age thirty, although only over the Internet.
Also I seem susceptible to little things these days like there was a stray barking dog in the yard and I went inside to stay away from a potentially dangerous situation. My mother expressed concern for the animal and I simply said “Well, so what … I’m just glad I wasn’t bitten.” Then I felt like a bad person for not feeling sorry for some stray dog.
I know, maybe I didn’t express the due concern there, but I also know I didn’t used to be so fragile when it comes to my own feelings about myself. On second thought, maybe I did and just didn’t think about it. But I feel like I crack like an egg now. Even over the stupidest of things like not showing enough concern for a stray dog that growled at me.
Has anyone ever experienced anything like I'm describing? How do you deal with energy stealing mind garbage? I want my self confidence back or something.
poster:Brown_cow
thread:295536
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20031231/msgs/295536.html