Posted by Patient on January 1, 2004, at 16:59:16
In reply to Re: Geodon talk (ziprasidone) » Patient, posted by platinumbride on December 31, 2003, at 9:47:19
Thank you both so much! Your replies give me hope.
Leapord, I'm a dependant, so I don't qualify for disability, but boy, sure seems like I'm disabled for I haven't worked in ten years and have had panic attacks/cried the two times I had applied (vet tech)for a job. My plan is to try low cost meds. and trazodone as well as Ativan benzo meet this criteria. We have private insurance since my husband is self-employed (computer design) and works at home, but he only has one client and the work is like being a carpenter, but even less stable. Thanks Leapord for the medicine dosages you are taking. I too like and need to start at a low dose, sometimes below the average starting dose.
I have often wondered if I am BP2 for my biggest problem is with anger/aggession/irritability. A couple years ago after being on Zoloft for several months, I lost my temper with a young bratty dog we had adopted-I just about beat him up-I was on the ground with him hitting him-we were both on the ground-I was so shaken by this that I panicked and had to get him away from me before I killed him, or so I thought I was capable of doing-out of desperation I took him away in the truck and dumped him. I'm so ashamed to tell this, but this is the kind of temper problem I have. I have lost my temper in this way before I ever started on any medicines. Usually it involved dogs disobeying me. I get easily frustrated. I look back on all of these terrible things I have done because of my mood swings and feel horrible about them, but once my temper goes that's it. I have always liked animals, so for me to do this was quite shocking. I also have spending spree problems. My brothers have temper problems-some much worse than others. Two brothers besides my Dad, have SEVERE tempers. My Dad is dead, though. My brothers have told me that when we were little he used to stand with his hands on his hips and tell us kids (7 total) that he hated us, this would be when he had lost his temper and his countenance would change and his veins would pop out of his head. He used to joke that the only reason he had us is because we were a tax write-off. I have an older brother that is schizophrenic, otherwise there is no known relatives with BP1, though one cousin committed suicide in his teens when he started dabbling into Nazism in Michigan. I'd certainly guess that a few of them have indiagnosed BP2. My grandfather was a "mean drunk" and an alcoholic. The only thing that would classify me as BPD is that I am self-injurous in that I would hit my head with my fists, sometimes would use a hard object, but I've never cut or burned myself like most BPD's do. My hitting myself is great anger at me, almost as if I were trying to murder me-does that make sense? I often have images of several guns pointed at my head and they shoot away at me-like the scene from the Daffy Duck cartoon where Daffy is in the lake surrounded by several duck hunters and they all blow away at him at once. I think these thoughts when I'm in a self-hate mood. After each loss of temper I go into a deep depression. Plus, I had bulemia in the past for many years. Okay, enough of the shock talk.
I better stop here before I go on and on about myself-I can be so self-centered when it comes to my problems-always thinking about me. I guess I go into give personal details hoping there will be someone that shares the same problems and can relate, though I wouldn't wish my problems on my worst enemy.
I appreciate the link and the information about patient assistance for low cost meds. When I find a medicine that works pretty good, I usually order it from Canaada if they have it-it's always much less expensive there. This, though, is the reason I end up with so many left over medicines because they stopped working or gave me problems after a few months, and when you order from Canada, it's usually in bulk. I finally threw away the Prozac, BuSpar, and carbamazepine.
I've always wondered why SSRI's can cause mania or hypomania-is it because of their high selectivity to reuptake serotonin? I've read the two meds. approved for bipolars depression is Effexor and Wellbutrin. These aren't as selective of serotonin, so it seems to me, anyway, that serotonin isn't a good thing for bipolars. I have to mention that I am no longer taking the Lexapro with trazodone-I could only handle it for two days-it caused a stimulant-type anxiety and insomnia-even 50 mgs. of trazodone wasn't helping me to sleep. So, I've upped the trazodone to 25mg 4 times a day. It has a relaxing effect on me-read somewhere, I think Canada, uses traz. for aggression.
Thanks again for your replies and well wishes and knowing there are others out there with some similar experiences. May my next visit to my doc be successful! We'll certainly talk Geoden.
poster:Patient
thread:293032
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20031231/msgs/295488.html