Posted by Mimi on December 30, 2003, at 12:35:56
In reply to Re: Schizophrenia - Fluanxol » Mimi, posted by vwoolf on December 30, 2003, at 11:16:38
>Hi vwoolf,
Okay, where to begin... I lived with depression for years, as you know. In 1996-97 I could feel myself no longer able to tolerate additional stress, that is I could feel in my brain an impending disaster. My living circumstances were very difficult, my grandfather had recently committed suicide, and I had ruined my right hand with a work injury. I had tried antidepressants in the past briefly, but to no avail. I refused to take anything called an "antipsychotic" as I did not believe myself to be a "mental case" or want the stigma attached to that.
I tried to stave off the breakdown (brain snap) by going off on a vacation. Didn't work. I returned to the stresses and became a basket case but refused hospitalization until one year later. During my mental disintegration (I had a job) I could no longer understand language. Yes, I could not understand what people were saying to me. I could not read at all. I could recognize words but I could not put them together to make meaning. As far as people talking, I just heard sounds. I also collapsed physically.
Thus began a very long seven-year ordeal. I suffered damage to the language center of my brain. I couldn't read for years. I forgot how to spell. This is the short story version here. Basically, I lived a half-life whereas before I had been very successful academically and especially with languages.
I ended up finally in a hospital (what a wonderful relief!) and with more than one diagnoses and taking antipsychotics anyway.
As I said, I had the shocks 2 years ago, which alleviated the depression. The introduction of Strattera several months ago as allowed me to regain much of my lost brain function and my brain may have regenerated some in 7 years.
There is much to know on this subject. Educate yourself if at all possible.
I sympathize with you about the cruelty of your pdoc leaving you abruptly. I had a similar event in my life.
If there is a mood disorder support group where you live, go there. Very helpful. You need to connect with others like yourself. This website is excellent, too. As for disclosure, pick and choose. Never disclose at work. Read everything you can on mental illness.
Write again if you wish,
Mimi
Hi Mimi an Shannon,
>
> I didn't know that brain damage might result from a psychotic breakdown. That really changes everything. I sort of thought that there was a continuous development from normality (?) to depression to bipolar to schizophrenia (madness), and that at any time you could move backwards or forwards on that line. If, as you say, brain damage is a possibility, it means there is no return. Please won't you tell me more about your experience, it's really important to me.
>
> Thanks for your suggestions about different medications. Unfortunately I had a breast cancer scare a few months ago, and my psychiatrist is reluctant to prescribe any of the newer generation of antipsychotics, until I have tried the old ones, because they have some effect on the hormone balance. However I will ask him about the Geodon when I next see him - only on the 15th. I am actually feeling quite hostile towards him at the moment. He dumped this diagnosis on me together with the prescription, before going off on a four week holiday like just about every other doctor in Cape Town, leaving me to handle the disclosure/non-disclsure issues with family and friends. Probably wrongly I have decided not to disclose, which has left me feeling really isolated and desperate.
>
> Bestest
>
> Penny
poster:Mimi
thread:294585
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20031225/msgs/294679.html