Posted by Camille Dumont on December 22, 2003, at 23:46:39
In reply to Re: Fumbling in the Darkness (Me Psychiatry), posted by sailor on December 22, 2003, at 22:48:05
I've jumbled with similar thoughts and I still face the wall of : whats the meaning of life, what does it matter, why choose to live?
It seems so hopeless to try and trick the brain into making you feel good ... it seems like its only putting a bandaid on a gaping wound ... only delaying the worse.
Then it occured to me that perhaps my quest for a cure (in meds and otherwise) is doomed to fail because I'm attacking a symptom (wanting to die) rather than the cause (my brain who seems to need to make me feel crappy and wanting to die).
It also occured to me that perhaps life has no meaning but rather IS the meaning of existence. That perhaps if I find a way to feel like I am worthwile, to find something that will make me feel as though I am trully living, as though I am actively engaged in the pursuit of life, then perhaps my brain will cease to send me those messages of death.
Its hard not to see the parallel between depression / suicide and the cells of our bodies. When they become useless, they self-destruct. When humans cease to be fertile, they slowly "decay" and eventually die ... it goes for prutty much everything that lives. Then, why are our brains telling us to die? Could it be that we seem useless? That we don't have a purpose?
Its just an idea ... perhaps I`m wrong, perhaps I`m psychotic ... but in a way it gives me hope that if I find something meaningfull to work on, then I'll finally put a permanent damm on the flow or dark thoughts ... rather than putting bandaids or numbing my brain with pills...
poster:Camille Dumont
thread:292246
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20031219/msgs/292610.html