Posted by tercerero on December 17, 2003, at 9:29:49
In reply to re: response to everyone , posted by billym on December 12, 2003, at 20:58:33
Hey,
I'm Eddie Sylvano's fiance. I don't have the disorder you guys talk about, but Eddie does. Let me tell you, you think it's hard to meet someone, try holding onto them while you struggle with daily interactions. But I assume it's rewarding because he hasn't broken up with me yet.
It's a hard life, and I'm sorry for anyone who has this problem. It's hard for me, too, because it really does hinder just about everything.
I definitely have to watch what I say or else I might find Eddie curled up into a quiet little ball on the bed, staring into space. Sometimes I just want to shout at him because he lets people walk all over him.
Everyone else tells him he's too nice, but I know what the real problem is. It's frustrating because I'm the one who has to call customer service people, stand in line, talk to family, and, essentially, stand up for us. It's tiring to be the outgoing one.
It's also hard in social situations with our friends. Eddie talked about saying stuff and being ignored while others say the same thing and get rewarded, and I've witnessed this. I used to think he was exaggerating, when I first met him, but it's true.
Now it's like I'm his advocate, pointing out what he says to other people, laughing the loudest at his jokes, asking him to repeat what he said so others can hear. It seems to alleviate his social-based fears a lot. Now he ventures out alone in the social world and does much better. He said someone actually apologized to him last night because they were holding up the line in a store. That speaks volumes to me.
It seems a great deal of what you guys speak of stems from low self-esteem. For a long time, Eddie was (implicitly) told that he was worthless. When he expressed joy with something, he was told he was stupid for doing so. He subdued his feelings to draw less attention to himself. Now, here I am, saying stand up for yourself! Tell me how you're feeling! What you say matters! It must come as a shock to him. For thirty years, Eddie shut down, but hopefully it won't take thirty more to open up.
Drugs help a little, I guess, therapy would probably help more, but I think that day-to-day life is hard enough without having to schedule appointments and deal with pharmacies screwing up your prescriptions. I think the best thing is to embrace the relationships you do have and squeeze every bit of joy out of life that you can. And enjoy it, because everyone deserves to feel happiness. Take care of yourself because you deserve it. Alone time helps Eddie tremendously, because when he comes back from it he seems renewed.
Good luck everyone, especially at this time of year when social gatherings are required instead of requested.
poster:tercerero
thread:288792
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20031213/msgs/290896.html