Posted by mtdew on December 16, 2003, at 20:16:38
In reply to Re: ADs, Diminished brain-power, Dr.Bob, posted by daisymm on December 16, 2003, at 15:53:49
I really feel for you, because I went through (and am going through) much the same thing. I wish I could say I found a solution. Luckily I did find a few things that helped, but I think you will end up having to postpone grad school indefinitely. What you are describing is Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and there's no cure. Obviously I hope for your sake that it isn't. You should have your thyroid checked, CBC, B12, etc first to rule out simple things. But my advice from experience is to stop pushing yourself now. Even though people will tell you that you're not trying hard enough, don't let them get inside your head. You have a medical problem, not a psychological problem. If you want to chat over email or AIM, let me know, because I HAVE BEEN THERE and IT SUCKS.
mtdew
mtdewcmu_@_yahoo_com> Hello all!
>
> thanks for the input. As for linkadge's note, I am not clinging to who-I-was. High school is so far beind, I can hardly remmeber. So is college. But I've buried so much time and money in this damn grad school, I want to finish it. But I cannot, if I cannot think. If I cannot write passable papers. I have a year of mediocre grades, and a previous semester of reduced course load and incompletes. this semester I took just one course (one I very much liked) and I wont be able to finish it either. I have to go around the faculty, asking for permission to get an incomplete rather than Fs. I need to submit another she-is-crazy letter from my pdoc to the Dean. I ve been on an off depression all my life, and never ever in my life, had I felt so incompetent so incapable. I am angry and frustrated. I mentioned what I used to be because I know that I have the mental (ouch, not mental) intellectual capaticy to do this. Depression is why I am disabled. And I HATE this.
>
> I spent a fucking semester waiting things to get better, and they didnt, so a month ago I found myself scheming suicide. I had wished that I was dead many times before,yet I had never found myself staring at my boyfried's Ambien bottle and calculating whether it was enough to kill me. I was so scared of what I was thinking, I called my counsellor and pdoc immediately. They were worried for me, so they've put me on Lithium. And I was ok with that, because in spite of what depression tells me, I know all I want is a more meaningful, satisfying life where I can be myself. (I dont want a fancy life. just simple healthy existence) So, this is why I am taking Lithobid. (Even though I am not BP)
>
> I recevied emergency treatment twice last week. My brain got so foggy and dizzy I knew I was about to loose conciousness. So I went to the ER. I was horribly sick to my stomach, had palpitations, chest tightness, difficulty breathing etc. Blood tests and ekgs show that I wasnt poisoned by lithium levels and my heart was fine.
> Two days later, I saw my doctor to follow up and she ordered a D-dimer test to see if i had any clotting in blood. The test was positive, so I rushed to ER again to get more tests done. Had a ct-scan (sp?) more ekgs, blood tests etc. No clots in the lungs or a heart atack etc. Yet, Since last sunday I never stopped feeling dizzy, nauseated (i had n. before but not like this), having chest pain, difficulty breathing, dry moouth, throat, etc
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> I was told upon initial amittance to ER that it might be a panic/anxiety attak, but I wasnt hyperventilalting then, nor now, and I hasnt disseappear in the last ten days.
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> sorry for the rambling on. i am really upset and i dont know how to fix this. i am going to my weekly therapy sessions (which helps a lot) i was in a specialty group and i keep in close contact with my pdoc. what else is missing?
>
> daisy
poster:mtdew
thread:290590
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20031213/msgs/290746.html