Posted by River1924 on November 29, 2003, at 15:34:25
Hello everyone,
This is the problem. I know I have one but I don't have the term that allows me to "google" it.
I hope as I walk around the "disorder" you can tell me the name.
My story in a nutshell:
I am 35. At 19, I tried to kill myself and was given the ridiculous(and, as far as I know, made-up) diagnosis of "pre-schizophrenic." For several months I was on ascendin and loxitane. When I stopped the loxitane (because I could not remember a professor's words long enough to take notes,) I had an experience within a month that may or may not have been related to my brain readjusting to a neuroleptic free physiology.
I could think in words. Ideas would stay in my head. I could place them on mental hangers, rearrange them, compare them to new insights, adjust to input from my companion at the time. It was quite wonderful and it allowed me an "intimacy" I've never had before or since. Although I seem intelligent (if quiet) and although I seem to have a good grasp of the English language, I am isolated by some deficit of working memory or long term memory, a garbled-to-mute inner voice, or some kind of processing problem that limits my social conversation to quips and glib remarks and questions. If asked about my own life or thought, I often just don't remember. That one time, that one walk at 19, I could retrieve my memories of my life and my reflections and share them and improvise upon them.Is this a real disorder of some kind? Does it have a name?
Thank-you, I'd appreciate any suggestions.
River.
PS:This has become an issue again, my memory problems, since I plan to go to school again
and I would like to be in a relationship. Memory retrieval effects essay tests and any kind of speech that lasts longer than 10 seconds. Memory retrieval effects 1)basic intimacy, 2)depth of conversation, 3)"getting to know one another" and 4)creating shared plans, memories and jokes. Most of my isolation, depression, and social anxiety is a result of those incapacities.
poster:River1924
thread:285035
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20031126/msgs/285035.html