Posted by katia on November 18, 2003, at 17:05:57
In reply to Re: Not doing too well :-(, posted by Dalilah on November 17, 2003, at 19:00:10
Hi Dalilah,
yeah, unfortunately what you say is correct about stopping the substances. and unfortunately, it's not so easy to just quit just because we know this.
I'm trying my best. But it's a bit of a catch 22 for me. I stopped for five weeks, yet I still haven't found the right medication combo and so I'm feeling awful without the drinking and without the right med combo - so after five weeks of barely hanging on I reached for something that would make life bearable and suicide not an option. I'm hoping to stop again. I'm taking one day at a time. I realize it complicates things in the med dept. and makes things not so clear and evident about what's working and what's not. the one thing sobriety has told me is I'm way more depressed than I thought. And I'm trying my best in the face of all this as well, I work in a restaurant where wine is EVERYWHERE and I"m constantly being offered it. And no, I can't change jobs now. I can't do anything else that pays this much, that is part-time at night, and is fairly easy in the sense that I'm like my own boss and I go to work and it's over. Nothing to take home, no one to really report to, etc...There are no other options at the moment.I don't think it's hopeless to find the right med combo even if I slip up like this occasionally. I'm as good as I've ever been and as aware as ever about this problem.
why did it take a year of sobriety to figure/sort out your bipolar med regime? Just the normal "trial and error" endless nightmare? I've been on this road for 18 months. we're almost there I hope.
Can you expand on what happened in your awareness when you were sober for a long period of time? Did you, like me, understand that your "illness" is worse than you thought b/c it was being masked? What else did you discover? I need to hear stuff like this to help support me in choosing sobriety.
thanks.
Katia
> I'm sure you've all heard this before, but I think alcohol is the wrong way to go to help yourself. It seems like a temporary fix and supposedly works against your meds. As a former abuser of all drugs, I was not at all able to address any of my Bipolar problems til I was off it for like a year.
> -Dalilah
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> > Dear Katia and Friends,
> > Sorry I haven't posted in a while. We went to DSL and all our internet connections, email and even our telephone ID and ringer have gone to hell in a handbasket (there's that famous handbasket again). I'll be back but right now it's a major task to catch up on all the emails that have finally made it through to us.
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> > One thing that I've been thinking, Katia. Since we're both having our ups and downs re not drinking (OK, OK, I did slip up twice since we last talked and swore never again) I'm wondering about that lack of dopamine and maybe our wiring really requires it. Hence the self-medicating. So, the only thing that comes to mind that isn't directly Parkinson's related it Wellbutrin. Have you ever been on it? I was years ago and it made me kind of agitated, but this was pre-BP dx when I was also on 250mg Zoloft and no mood stabilizer. I'm going to talk to my pdoc about it and read up on it. I don't want anything to cause more anxiety and brooding, but these discomforts might be symptoms of unmasked depression. I also don't want to add another med if I can tolerate things without, but on the other hand, I want my life to progress without the stranglehold of anxiety and other unnecessary challenges.
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> > Another med that comes to mind is a stimulant but I've already gone that route with Ritalin and didn't like the feeling or the insomnia one bit. So, anyone out there, tell me what you think about self-medicating with alcohol and Wellbutrin to medicate the thing that alcohol was medicating. Get my drift? Thanks for all your concern about my absense. I promise, I'll keep in touch better. Love, Barbara
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poster:katia
thread:238206
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20031116/msgs/280947.html