Posted by katia on November 14, 2003, at 17:12:50
In reply to Re: Not doing too well :-(, posted by fluffy on November 14, 2003, at 16:52:25
Hi Katy,
Thanks for the support. I NEED it right now. I'm not in that exhausted depressed phase, but the crying bouts, irritability, ragey, engerized mixed state. And boy oh boy, the only cure for that is a glass of vino. I'm so tempted b/c no doctor has been able to give me what that has given me. Cigs on their own taste yukky. it's after a glass of wine that the potent synergy of cigs + wine work wonders. However, on the flip side (apart from obvious reasons) it's a dangerous time to drink too. Because paradoxically it helps, but also fuels the energy and I go wild.> Or maybe I just need to put a gun to my head and end this miserable incompetent existence????
>
> Katia--You know that's not the answer, but I totally know the feeling. You are exhausted with the cycling and endless searching and not feeling well. Most of us know about this. Seriously, if you are thinking about this too much, CALL THE DOCTOR. Or if you feel you might be in danger, then GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM. I seriously pondered this a month ago when I was ruminating about suicide badly. I knew I didn't want to do it, but I wanted OUT. And I hesitated, but I called my pdoc, and we scheduled an emergency appt.**I don't think I'll do it. I'd drink first you know. You know the feeling when you're so out of control with agitation and irritability and crying jags - it's like a torando in your head that personal actions sometimes are out of your control. I hate those moments most of all and they are the most dangerous. But I've made a pact with myself. Before suicide, I'll try alcohol again. It sounds wierd, but thank god for substances like wine, b/c sometimes it is a saviour.
>> Have you considered joining a support group? I've thought about it, but I have a long time friend who got diagnosed a couple of years before me. And what do you know??? I go diagnosed soon after. She has been indisposable to me b/c of her understanding. These people are hard to find. Truth be told, most people (even good friends) cannot understand what it's like to be bipolar or clinically depressed. Friends try the best they can to understand, and sometimes they feel that boiling what you feel down to what other people feel would make you feel less awkward and isolated. But it can make you feel misunderstood, and these statements can backfire.
I went to a bipolar support group ONE time a month ago and it was a waste of time. Only about two people there were bipolar, the others were either unidepressed or schizoaffective/bipolarish. I felt that I needed to be facilitating it. really. I could harely wait to get out of there. I told my docotor about it (he sponsers it) and he agreed about the dismal aspect of it. He may be starting another one for people along my lines and will tell me about it. there aren't any more around here and I've looked. AA is depressing and not my cup of tea. Last summer when I was far nearer suicide than I am now (I went on for months in a worse state than I'm in now), I "interviewed" to be a part of a depressed support group, was told I was too angry and depressed for the depressed group (for the level where they were), and thank you very much that'll be $30 please to you unemployed person. I cried so much when she rejected me, she had to prolong the session just to get me under control. She referred me to someone else, but at that point, I crawled back into my hole as it took about one month's worth of gathering energy just to get to her office. I have a friend who suffers from depression, maybe I'll start seeing her more...
>>>Katia--I'm a success story, and not very long ago, I was in a similar boat as yours. It took a very long time, but I've finally found equilibrium. Most of the people on this board are ON this board because they are UNHAPPY with their drug combos and/or diagnosis.**I hope your success story continues Katy. What upsets me is that I have a success story that falls away within days.
**RE: Li. orotate, is there really only a minute amt. in it?
> ***I don't REALLY know about this Lithium orotate business, but it seems to be a racket. I almost get angry about the ads, as they seem to be preying on people who are desperate to take ANYTHING besides REAL LITHIUM. It's not really Lithium...there's just a smidge in it. I would really try to give the REAL DEAL lithium a go first before you sink your hard-earned money into alternative treatments. It's tried and true. I don't know your situation exactly, but for most people, Lamictal as a sole agent is only partially effective. Why not try Lithium+Lamictal? Or Trileptal+Lamictal?
> ***Sweetie, we've all been there. Rant anytime. You can count on me to be here, okay? I care about you. Hang on tight...thank you. I so appreciate that.
hugs back to you and as you say
*sniff* and *roar*
katia
poster:katia
thread:238206
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20031111/msgs/279818.html