Posted by zinya on July 24, 2003, at 10:25:49
In reply to Re: Hi All... Thank you YankeeGirl! » Yankeegirl, posted by KimberlyDi on July 24, 2003, at 9:43:11
hi KimDi and YankeeGirl,
Just to add here how much you indeed are not alone in finding even a phone call to be too much unless it's from one of my best friends who knows exactly what's going on with me now. I screen my phone calls cuz i just can't "afford" to be "ambushed" by a call from someone that would require energy to talk to (well, initially it was cuz i was completely fed up with about 10 telemarketers per day but it's also cuz some people i just can't talk to now for energy reasons alone -- anyone i would think i have to "explain myself" to -- The kinds of friends of lesser intimacy who do things like insist i have to go out more or other things -- and who don't realize that they are people who convey expectations for "how i should be" and so i'm avoiding them now -- as my bereavement counselor too has encouraged me to do. Of course ultimately, as she says, i need to be able to resist questions that seem geared to make me explain myself but for now at least, just knowing that those people are stressors for me and avoiding them is the healthiest thing i can do for myself.
Related to the discussion that Daphnis triggered by opening up about the 'imposter' self-image, those people in our lives wind up making us feel inadequate (even if that isn't their intent) even just by "demanding" explanations of what's "wrong" with us, etc. And i just don't have the strength to deal with that now. Fortunately, although my two closest friends in the world, like soulmates, are far away and phone calls are all we have, i do have about six friends in town who i can be with comfortably, who i quite readily told about my decision to start a-d's and with whom i don't have to ever "account" for myself. Most other people i don't even talk to now and that included having to choose in June not to go to a college reunion, with some of those friends alarmed and urging me to go but, my gosh, the idea of all that small talk and having to answer "So what are you doing now?" was just not even fathomable. I feigned having the flu (which was kind of true given the kind of side effects of Effexor i was having at the time) and they sort of accepted it, although they know I'd lost my mom and i know they were "suspicious" and concerned i think about me, but i just couldn't deal with any of that stuff.
Imo, when you're depressed, small talk is THE worst. I avoid it like the plague.
well, my goodness, i thought i was just going to say "I relate" :)) and here i've babbled on ...
I guess you got the picture :)
good wishes to y'all,
zinya
poster:zinya
thread:13781
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030723/msgs/244844.html