Posted by Barbara Cat on July 16, 2003, at 1:13:56
In reply to Re: Lamictal-Barbara, posted by kaybo on July 15, 2003, at 20:33:12
Dear Kaybo,
I know what you mean about the darkness. Edgar Allen Poe and Vincent Van Gogh had it in spades, even though one would consider them quite creative. At what price? Have you read "Touched by Fire", by Kaye Jamison Redfield? All the luminaries are there, all seemingly bipolar. My worst episodes were triggered by SSRI's. I was taking all different brands for over 10 years because I was supposedly major depressive. No one could figure out why they weren't working until I came to this board and figured it out myself. I've had good results with lithium and lamictal. Haven't had even one of those Grim Reaper depressions since. I've been quite down at times, but not psychotically bereft.So, about your enlightenment quest. My understanding of this state has much to do with quiet and centered being in the face of life's storms. The dazzle I was looking for was just more of ego's tricks. I've stopped searching for enlightenment and am just too happy to have a refreshing meditation these days. Stepping out of my revving mind and noticing what's going on in the here and now is more than enough. I experimented with many mind altering substances and was brought to the doorway. But I had to step through with just me and my screwed up self. And the guidance of Spirit when I allow myself to trust in it. - Barbara
poster:Barbara Cat
thread:9730
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030714/msgs/242367.html