Posted by Temmie on June 25, 2003, at 20:39:42
I am completing graduate work (at the not so tender age of 50), and have tremendous fear/panic/anxiety and occasional/frequent writer's block -- which leaves me feeling ... like I'm hanging onto a cliff's edge by my ever-shredding fingernails, and that I'm nearly toppling into the abyss.
Lexapro gives me the "kick" I need to get up and get producing -- but occasionally I'll need to take a Xanax just to calm down. Or two. Does anyone else feel this way? What IS this crap? I still don't understand my malaise -- or understanding why (depression and PTSD related to child-abuse) is so beyond my control. How is it we can -- intellectually -- know ourselves so well -- and on a practical level, feel so helpless, hopeless, and full of despair?
Also, as I read and reread (and reread) passages I've written that impress me as -- well -- approaching "brilliance," I wonder if I've got some mania going on (shades of my father). Do any of you read (and compulsively read and reread) things you've written ....? Sometimes I tweak just a word or two, but can't produce anything new.
What the hell is the matter with me, and how do I explain all this to my therapist/prescribing nurse -- or is this just what I am/what I've got/and how I'll always be?
Appreciate any feedback. Sorry this is so long.
Temmie
poster:Temmie
thread:237059
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030624/msgs/237059.html