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Re: Zero Motivation

Posted by HenryO on June 25, 2003, at 6:05:03

In reply to Zero Motivation, posted by AOB on June 24, 2003, at 13:40:22

I am a bright guy with a very confusingly low motivational level. I was dyslexic, charming smart and totally unengaged in all school work. My parents had me to so many shrinks from 5 to 21 I've lost count. I think my depression began in 1st or 2nd grade. Maybe your son's started much earlier. Nobody has ever been able to understand my lack of motivation least of all me. I did my math home work maybe 10 times in all those years, if you threatened my life. I could almost write a term paper the night before it was due if you gave me a month to do it. I discovered pot and alcohol around 14 or so. I was interested in those two things. I could line up my supplies. I was good at that. It actually did more harm than good but I needed all the relief I could get. Relief from what I’m still not entirely sure, but it was the priority.

I barely and I do mean barely graduated from highschool. I have been to more colleges than anybody I know but have rarely finished a class. Depression has been more or less a constant. I think that the depression was a made much worse by repeated baffling and demoralizing experiences. I hear stories like his and like mine at least once a week. He is struggling under a load of illness and expectations that are sinking him over and over. He is sick, confused and demoralized. That’s my territory.

Some people are just not that well equipped for this world. If you’re missing some crucial parts then all the other good qualities in the world won’t get the job done. I’m smarter than hell in some ways. Showing up day in and day out is not one of them. I would love it to be. I can’t explain it to anybody. I have tried and tried. I don’t think I can explain precisely because it doesn’t make any sense. He is a classic. Help him find AA. My fellowship will welcome him in and help. It is gonna take between two to seven years for him to catch on. Feed him, house him and let him sleep. Just sleep. God, for a dark dark cool comfortable place to sleep undisturbed. Even a closet, but give him some dignity. Oh, to wake without being judged after 19 hours. Then to eat and shower take a look around and go back to sleep with nobody freaking out about it. That is heaven when your depressed. Anything else is terribly painful. Tell him you’ll provide him with that, if he goes to one AA meeting a day. He’ll take that deal.

I would definitely be on the street right now without my parents assistance. Emotional pain is not categorically different from physical pain. I would trade a broken bone or three for my depression at any second. I tell people to think of the pain of a broken heart. It hurts so damn bad, and with depression you get the further insults of it being pointless, subjective and chronic. He has an illness just like the flu or diabetes. You can’t reason with or coerce a sick person to get well. Self knowledge avails us nothing. Have him read this entire post.

Hey, my friend whom I don’t know yet. There are people just like you and me who have found something that works. But don’t take my word for it, check it out for yourself. Come in. Ask for help. Keep coming back. You don’t have to sign anything, say anything or pay anything. The weird thing is, meetings are actually funny. Life won’t transform into some blissful alternate dimension but it will get a lot better. You will even start to like it. That I can promise.

The world has expectations for him to be a MAN and he is far from that goal. Can you hear what he hears? How could you not be frustrated. Imagine what he feels. You never had the power to cure him and you don’t have that power now. Don’t feel badly for not raising a brilliant well adjusted person. I was never going to be like everybody else. There is no such thing as a non-traumatic childhood. I had a shrink tell me once that I was trying to shoot my parents by pointing the gun through my own head. Wrecking my life to get at them. Well maybe, but they continually tried to save my life as well. Talk about ambivalence, I literally thought I was crazy. That is very painful as I’m sure you can see by watching him.

I’ve been on fifty or more of these meds. The stims aren’t gonna do it. Speed feels pretty good though and that’s not always a bad thing. Ritalin, Concerta, Dexedrine, Cylert, Provigil, Straterra, Adrafinil. They prescibed them. I’ve been on them. I'll try anything that might help. Ritalin is the one that makes me feel the best, for awhile. Resperdal knocks down my ability to feel anything and packs on the weight (and that’s depressing). Zoloft and Effexor work for some people for some things but they will hammer anybody’s sexuallity. That is very unpleasant. Prozac helped for a year or two but it only does so much and then it turns to ashes. Lamictal has been the best thing to date. I’m on 200mg. But alone it is useless. He’s got to get outside help. I have turned over a lot of stones in forty years and AA is the only lasting good thing I’ve ever found. Some people swear by different things. Power to them. If it works, do it. There is not any one drug or a cocktail of drugs that are gonna fix him, fast or slow. He like me may never be "normal". Do what you can out of love. And when people lay that "tough love" thing on you tell them to go to hell. You love him so give him all you can.


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Psycho-Babble Medication | Framed

poster:HenryO thread:236674
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030624/msgs/236893.html