Posted by mills on May 6, 2003, at 18:02:00
In reply to Re: OCD COMPULSION AND ANAFRANIL: DOES IT HELP YOU? » mills, posted by Snoozy on May 6, 2003, at 13:21:04
snooz, thanks for the reply, and in answer to your question using the example of the phenomenon I do happen to know oh too well, i.e. the “I can’t get a thought out of my head” thing; that is not the type of thing I experience; that sort of thing has been a distressing annoyance to me when I was a kid, but it was never tormenting to me like what I’m talking about; what I experience is more like the inability to get to the bottom of a “feeling” and a driving, compelling urge-feeling to get to it and know what it is, and I can’t, and so I get panicky, because I need to get it; it's more like i'll have a real vague feeling of fear or something nagging me inside, down in my gut (there is an actual physical component that makes me aware of a feeling of tension or pressure in my gut area all the time--I would love to hear someone say something insightful in this area!!), and i keep going back and back and back, because I've "got" to, and feel like i never get to it and cannot let go of trying, and I have to keep revisiting inside myself to see if I can get to it, and of course I never do ; that's the compulsive feeling or urge or impulse I’m talking about that is what I experience; does that makes sense?
i hear what you're saying about the continuum, but I see it a bit differently, if I may say so, at least as far as my experience; I don’t see it as a continuum; I see it as being about two different types of manifestations of the same underlying issue, the “obsessions” (intrusive unwanted thoughts) and the “compulsions” (behaviors generally) and mine simply not fitting either one of them; i have no problem accepting that i've got a problem or the validity of it; i mean, i know i've got a problem, and a serious one, have for 30 years (ouch!), but i want and need to find some personal resources for help, like in books and support groups, someone to talk to who doesn't look at me with their head cocked, etc. i have spent countless hours looking and talking to pdocs and psychologists, and i haven't found anything on my particular issue; I have found no literature describing what I experience, none, and that’s frustrating, but that’s not even the issue; I just need some resources, you know
I see the “obsessive” vs. “compulsive” as being not about a question of degree, but a question of kind; my compulsive introspection is highly highly compulsive, but there is absolutely no “ritual” element to it, which relieves the tension; does that distinction make sense? so it's not just a matter of degree; it's almost like i've got a type that is so uncommon, honestly, i've spent easily literally 1000's of hours researching, and i can't find anyone to address it, which is just odd and on a personal level very frustrating; i just can't get the kind of information i need for on the subject; everything i read on the internet or books or talking to pdocs, etc., etc., etc., talk "only" in terms of the classic definitions, but i'm here to tell you (rhetorically speaking), i've got a serious problem that on a continuum would be pretty high but doesn't fit the classic continuum;
thanks for the input, and I appreciate all you got
mills
poster:mills
thread:224665
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030505/msgs/224730.html