Posted by leeran on May 5, 2003, at 17:56:55
In reply to Depressed and Desperate in the Midwest, posted by Ethel Basset on May 5, 2003, at 10:43:55
Oh my, your story sounds like a reversed version of mine (but the one thing I'm NOT depressed about is living in Southern California).
I moved here from the Midwest just about four years ago and had my dream job in the Midwest (I left it after many years, not due to the move, but it happened soon before, so I associate all of it together).
I had gained weight, too (fifty pounds over eight years, but somehow, I've been able to take off twenty five of it in the last two years - but it isn't easy).
Oh yeah, and like you, I have always been prone to depression and here lately, I worry that I'm going to alienate my husband - although he is completely supportive (thank God).
I'll tell you what I'm doing/taking. It’s not nirvana and that’s not what I’m looking for. Basically, I’m just try to keep the black cloud away and repair my self-esteem which was closely associated with my work.
Okay, here goes -
#1 - I am in very early menopause and have been for a couple of years, well, I guess it's technically known as perimenopause but it's more of a "pause" than a "meno." About a year ago I started on natural hormones prescribed by my gynecologist and prepared by a compounding pharmacy (they will ship anywhere – i.e. I have them shipped from Beverly Hills to where we live so I don’t have to negotiate twenty minutes of traffic).
I think the hormones have helped quite a bit with feeling less fragile (I would cry at the drop of a hat). I'm currently due for my check-up and may have to have the dosage adjusted due to testosterone/androgen issues, but overall, I’m convinced that it’s been a viable venture.
Note: Several years ago no one believed that I thought I might be in pre-menopause based on my mother's history (finished at 37). Eventually, the tests (and natural signs) indicated otherwise. That said, (depending on your age), the incredible fluctuation of hormones can be (IMO) a very real contributing factor to depression.
#2. About the same time (a year ago) that I went on the natural hormones I went on Wellbutrin. I didn't know it was my "wonder drug" until I misunderstood my psychiatrist and thought he wanted to replace the Wellbutrin with Lexapro (he meant to ADD it to the Wellbutrin) about six weeks ago.I now realize that Wellbutrin is my magic bullet (or a good portion of the magic bullet) considering how I crashed when I was off of it for a month and how I've improved since being back on it for the last two and a half weeks ago. I take 150 mg. SR in the morning, which brings me to step #3.
#3. My 15 year old son was diagnosed with A.D.D. in third grade (suspected in first grade). Although I could always identify with the problems he experienced it never occurred to me that I might have A.D.D. as well. We took him to a progressive behavioral science clinic in Beverly Hills for biofeedback therapy - and it helped immensely - but when he went off his Adderall we could see a marked decrease in his ability to function during his freshman year of high school. We started him back on Adderall and it was like turning a light bulb back on again.
About the same time, a friend of mine (whose son also has A.D.D.) admitted that she had wondered if SHE had A.D.D. and had tried one of her son's pills (it didn't do a thing for her). I must add that the doctor at the behavioral institute speculated as to whether or not I have A.D.D. based on the fact that I "self-medicated" (as he put it) on and off with phentermine during my adult years.
Hearing my son describe the difference he felt on Adderall (versus off) started me thinking about my own years in school. Although I did well in school, it was because I could always beat the system by taking classes in which I excelled (and avoiding left-brained subjects such as science and math like the plague).I found a psychiatrist in this area (I also took a very revealing online test for A.D.D.) and I am now taking 40 mg. per day of Adderall (more than my son does). Additionally, I have read articles about A.D.D. in women being exacerbated by menopause (great . . . one more thing to jump up and down about). The Adderall was added in January 2003.
#4 - I still felt a bit of the dark cloud that I have felt for years back in March so my psychiatrist prescribed Lexapro. I had an unexpected out-of-town trade show and ended up only took it for a week and a half the first go-round because it made me feel rather zombie-like (a condition that was due, in part, to going off Wellbutrin cold turkey). The psychiatrist strongly suggested I give it a second try in concert with the Wellbutrin, so I’m alternating between 2.5 and 5 mg. per night (for the last two weeks). The jury is still out on the Lexapro, but I'm willing to give it a shot for out a month or so, mainly because I've been fortunate enough to follow this board and have seen that it can take longer than two weeks to start to work effectively.
#5 - Now, this part isn't related to meds - but it has helped immensely. Due to early menopause (and probably several years of being on and off SSRIs) I started to put on weight all over, but particular in the “middle “ (a result of the body trying to cling on to whatever estrogen it has left, and abdominal fat cells are apparently quite "estrogen friendly").
I had liposuction last summer and as vain, expensive, and silly as it might sound - it helped my outlook immensely. It was a vicious cycle, hating my weight, not being able to lose the weight from my middle, becoming more depressed about my appearance, etc. I’m not advocating plastic surgery as a cure-all because I’m living proof that it isn’t, but given my “fix-it” personality, it has helped me feel less overwhelmed about the extreme weight gain.
#6. A few weeks ago it occurred to me that part of my ennui was due to not getting a good night's sleep. My husband (over a certain weight) becomes a mega-snorer and I was never getting into a deep sleep state. My psychiatrist (who makes me feel like there is SOME combination that will help as long as we keep tweaking) prescribed Ambien.
I can't begin to tell you what a difference it is to wake up and feel rested! Sleep deprivation (even if it's rather superficial, meaning you sleep, but you don't REALLY sleep) can be another vicious cycle. That’s another lovely by-product of menopause . . . insomnia.
Oh yeah, I take about a pound worth of vitamins/supplements per day as well and would probably feel a heck of a lot better if I started exercising again - which is #42 on my list of things to do.
I'm sorry this is so long, Ethel Basset, but when I read your post my heart went straight out to you. I’ve experienced the shock (of a good kind) moving from the Midwest to California and I’ve often wondered what it would be like doing it in reverse.
You didn’t mention it, but I’m going to make one overall suggestion – and that’s finding a psychiatrist you can really trust. I never dreamt that I would be taking four medications at one time and I most certainly wouldn’t feel comfortable with this kind of combination if it wasn’t done under the close supervision of a psychiatrist. I’ve been on Prozac and Wellbutrin (separately) prescribed by general practitioners but when it comes to getting to the root of the problem I have found a psychiatrist to be my best bet.
Good luck with everything. I am here to tell you that although I’m not exactly where I want to be in terms of self-esteem/mood, I am a HECK of a lot further along than I was two years ago/one year ago/six months ago, etc. It truly has been like that “What About Bob” movie (baby steps), but the entire point of my long-winded post is to tell you that it's been my experience that the MOUNTAIN CAN BE TRAVERSED!
Best wishes with everything,
Lee
p.s. I forgot to mention one other rather innocuous medication that I’ve taken for the last two years: Xenical. I’m not sure how much it has contributed to the twenty five pound weight loss since I’ve tried so many different avenues with the weight loss issue. Oh yeah, I work at home and I’ve gotten used to the side-effects (and they’ve subsided somewhat), but I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it to someone who travels all day for work, etc.
poster:leeran
thread:224446
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030505/msgs/224554.html