Posted by Barbara Cat on April 17, 2003, at 11:29:23
In reply to Re: Mom, and my vacation » Barbara Cat, posted by wcfrench on April 3, 2003, at 0:13:19
Hi All,
Just got back from the second leg of Mom's death journey. This time it was hard WORK, schlepping furniture around, estate sale of her things (actually fun!), little sleep, walking out of our family home for the last time, saying goodbye forever to the places of my childhood. I was not on the euphoric high of the first trip which was due no doubt to endorphins saving my sanity from the shock. This was pure adrenaline pushing through it. My poor adrenals!So glad to be back home and so are our 8 kitties who missed us. Life has been on hold for months and now it's time to begin a new stage of life. I'm ready - I think.
Charlie, thanks for your words of comfort. I am SO GLAD I've been working with Power of Now during this time. I saw my sister-in-law go more nuts during it and recognized the spin caused by ego and time identification. It was very difficult not to get sucked into it and those times I was sucked in were the most difficult. I will get "Meditation as Medicine". I recommend "Breathwalk" by Khalsa as well. Dance on, bro'. Have you been to Burning Man?
Day/Night cycles: I seem to be opposite of you all in this regard. I feel a sense of dread shortly after waking and begin to feel much better as evening comes on. I love the cozy glow of lights. I get a burst of energy around 8:00pm. My circadian cycles are definitely screwed. When I'm depressed I feel better in cloudy gray weather than sunny chipper days. I come alive in storms and blustery weather.
There is a certain time in the afternoon that I feel the worst. Emily Dickenson wrote a poem about 'that certain slant of light' describing her own depressions and the late afternoon light. I noticed it very strongly while back on the East Coast recently. Perhaps it was triggering my less than happy childhood, but it was also an almost physical reaction to the different play of light and shadow that caused dread and claustrophobia. William Styron talks of this phenomenon as well.
I've heard that cortisol cycling can be the reason for these mood changes during the day. I'm taking melatonin to try regulating this weird sleep cycle but I've always been like this. Becoming a night shift worker is out. Too many weirdos going about their business. - Barbara
poster:Barbara Cat
thread:208531
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030417/msgs/220059.html