Posted by Mikey_C on March 4, 2003, at 20:14:40
In reply to Re: Krissy... Important » Mikey_C, posted by KrissyP on March 4, 2003, at 19:49:19
Yeah, but to me, taking care of ME is to actually get up and do something useful. I really really HATE this part of my life. You know, before, I never allowed myself to have any downtime. I was always doing something. And still, over the last 8 months I have achieved a LOT of small goals. I've got my CPIM (Certified Production and Inventory Manager Designation... goes with Supply Chain Management and Logistics stuff... this was hard, 5 very complicated exams), got my driver's license (yep... finally... having panic attacks and being manic and all... taught myself to drive), finally settled down with my first gf in AGES (that's a major accomplishment for me... I haven't had a real relationship since I was 18... like 6 years), and am now just about ready to complete another 2 College courses to add points to my CPIM... I don't like downtime.... it's not a part of my personality... but for some reason today, I just couldn't do anythingNow, I know I've got a major depressive side of me... it took me about 7 years to get over the death of my Mom reasonably... like without crying myself to sleep every night... it's going on 9 years now, but just over the Christmas Holidays, when I took myself off of Celexa, I settled right back into a deep depression... not really "sad" so to speak, but I had next to no energy, I was ALWAYS tired, and my body hurt all over.... not just stomach pains here... every muscle in my body, including the ones that I didn't know I had, ached... I just had my first professional designation done and the Doctor that did it picked up on that within the first hour or so... I told her that I was off of my AD's and that I was pretty sure my Depression was settling back in, by the end of the first hour she's like, yeah... I can definitely see the depression... it looks like you're just going to pass out sitting there, your body is sagging all over...
And I've had many panic attacks in the past... nothing too severe that required hospitalization, but severe enough that I needed complete darkness for several hours so I could keep my heart from jumping out of my chest... And anxiety... God, I would worry about worrying... I couldn't fall asleep at night because I was worried that I wouldn't get enough sleep to last me the next day... and then I would be worried that I didn't have the right clothes to wear the next day, get up, put them together... then I would worry about something else... I had NO patience whatsoever, if a problem came up... well damn, it had to be settled right there and then or else I would just about completely lose it.... BAD temper... God, really bad temper... If I got pissed off, watch out... that actually got me fired from several jobs and just about kicked out of school...
Then add that on to the fact that I've led a pretty screwed up life... My Therapist, who is really like my first line of defence through this, has known me since I was a little kid, but I didn't see her for a number of years during my teens... when I came back and told her what was going on in my life, she was just kind of staring at me like amazed that I had actually lived through half of it and that I wasn't locked up in prison somewhere.... So that definitely adds on to a lot of little symptoms for me... like my gf for instance, she has a really close knit family... I get so uncomfortable around there because I've never really had a family... I just had a group of people that I lived with and that provided financal assistance and you could call on when you got into trouble... my family life died with my Mom back in 94....
Anyways, that gets me thinking as to what exactly the Seroquel is being prescribed to me for then. The Depakote (which is a major mood stabilizer used in Bi-Polars) has just about completely cleared me of my anxiety symptoms minus the panic attacks... the panic attacks are cured by the Clonazepam... the only time that I've had one in the past 8 months is when I'm first trying out a new med, like the Seroquel, and I just stop taking it for a number of nights because it's too sedating... the only thing that I don't have a counter really for is the Depression.
What would you think that the PDocs would prescribe me Seroquel for then? I've never become delusional... like I've never had any really vivid hallucinations... I've never had any voices in my head... To the best of my knowledge I am clearly NOT psychotic...
And I thought the Lamotragene (Lamictal) would help me with my depression too? I thought that's what they were applying it for... Both the Seroquel and the Lamotragene to fight off both the anxiety and the depression... But are they both just for anxiety or what?
Now I'm confused.... If the Seroquel is for anxiety and they wanted to take me off of the Depakote and use the Seroquel instead to manage the anxiety, then yes, I would think I should be on Effexor XR again for the depression... Seroquel and Effexor seem to feel a LOT alike so far. If the Seroquel fights off anxiety and manic symptoms... then I could stay on this and use the Effexor as the opposite, to fight off the depression... then I could use the Clonazepam for help sleeping and to keep me free from having panic attacks... that would make sense to me
Anyways... I am definitely rambling on now, so I'll stop............
poster:Mikey_C
thread:205170
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030301/msgs/205935.html