Posted by grrovymotion on December 24, 2002, at 1:29:12
In reply to Re: CAN'T STOP THINKING, posted by fuzzymind on December 22, 2002, at 23:17:53
Ok please continue this thread, because finally Ive come across a thread that has high relevance to what Ive always been plagued with. I know I have some aspect of Generalized anxiety disorder
,the cognitive component, where I worry about the future. But there was also another element to it, that no body could ever explain to me. I thought it was just OCD because I suffered from intrusive
guilt thoughts in past, but the antidepressant Im on never touched the part of it where I'll get into heavy philosophical and political debates, where I'll get a jump or excited train of linear thought, and I usually belabor the points, but they are not your mundane ocd stuff, I dont have rituals or pesky checking or whatever. When I was a kid I was forgetful and had problems concentrating, that is, I couldnt work something through like a math problem ( I have a mathematics disorder, but no reading disorder. I can be a voreciferous reader if its non-fiction. Im quite intellectual and well-read, but cant
work though a puzzle or logic problem.)
I thought attention deficit. But I dont have the impulsive behaviour of ADHD. Im uptight alot of times, tense, that is, I can' enjoy the moment or
enjoy roses and nature. I've been getting more and more IRRITABLE.
If I go to night clubs my mind starts racing, Im like over- analyzing everything, down to the universe. I'll want to meet a woman, but too uptight to be socially capable.
My mind works in a like winners and losers mentality. I hate being like this. Gad seems a better answer. But I"ll have these marathon thought patterns, thinking and over thinking, anaylzing universe. If someone cant meet my intellectual standards I wont listen or reply to them. But if thye can, as several of my friends can, then expect a deep conversation.
I thought possibly that I might have a thought disorder but my thoughts always remain coherent, never gets too weird. I notice its always about power. In a single day I veer from total powerlessness, then my thought pattern would kick in and I'll start having thoughts that empowers me. But it wont last and then I'll get depressed. Im either over
analyzing things, sorta of mind over matter (the world and the fact that Im a loser). Or I'll see rich people on tv and see people with good jobs and I'll immediately feel a need to change my entire existence, and I cant wait months! But the constant anxiety however makes it difficult for me to slow down so that I can do these things, to handle the mundane.
If I can't be rich now, then I just get depressed, because its not immediately there. Im the kind of person who needs closure.
Its like I have this messed up bi-polar personality. Powerlessness to extreme motivation all in one day. The thing that has helped me
alot is the internet,because it allows me to exist on a mental level without having to delay gratification. It does empower me a little, so it acts as a stand-in for my thoughts.If that makes sense!
Can anyone relate? please.
poster:grrovymotion
thread:1023
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20021223/msgs/133071.html