Posted by jay on December 14, 2002, at 1:35:38
In reply to Extreme Anger...anyone with sim feelings?..Please., posted by jay on December 12, 2002, at 21:07:18
From being p*ssed off to crying a river...and is it Lorazepam that exists at the end of that river?..heh...;-/
This morning I went and visited my best friend's grave, and brought some fresh flowers for him.. He died (either killed himself or accidental gunshot...not knowing has been a big part of my pain) in 1989 at 19 years of age...and the tears started, and damn they would not stop. Then I got onto thinking of my ex-girlfriend's miscarrage, and how I lost out on becoming a Dad, and how that was a *loss*...and just more of how I am a failure..and everything was LOSS LOSS loss...gone..goodbye...and by then I was crying while driving around the city. Gawwddamn it was *bad*...and it didn't stop until I got home and my Dad gave me a couple of lorazapam, which really helped soothe me...and he let me talk...and I talked to my Mom...My parents are very intelligent, articulate people, and we got into some really deep philosophical 'meandering', I call it. You know..being a knowledgeable, educated and 'person of considerable depth' REALLY f'ing sucks when you are depressed! Dante's Hell revisited...
By early afternoon I was a bit better. Gezzus..the ones you love are truly the ones who can make you feel better.I am a guy who is *not* afraid to cry in front of people..and I do it a lot...but when it is *non-stop*...I know I am in a *deep* depression. At heart, beyond the anger, I am a caring, sensitive, loving guy. Maybe it's just this world doesn't cherish those values in men...but f*** them, bunch of insensitive, Nazi idiots..(hey..I didn't SAY the 'bad' word..heh (sorry...some 'leftover' anger mixed in..heehe)
Ok...so I took Lorazepam and lived happily ever after...well, dammm, maybe not...but maybe I am on the right road. The Road...ohhhh boy..
poster:jay
thread:131567
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20021210/msgs/131762.html