Posted by bluedog on December 8, 2002, at 0:24:50
In reply to Re: Cubbybear, posted by cubbybear on December 7, 2002, at 9:37:19
Cubbybear
Thank you. I found your answers to my questions both helpful and informative.
I too am slowly but surely coming to the realisation that without an AD med in my system that I am very likely to relapse back into depression. I am now recovering from my fourth MAJOR depressive episode (though I've always had a rather life dampening dysthymia that I've had since my teens with the onset of my dysthimia approximately coinciding with the onset of my social anxiety).
What I have tended to find is that each time I recover from my Major depressive episodes and cease taking the AD meds that the onset time between recovery and relapse of the depression is becoming shorter and shorter each time.
I am now also at the stage where I am VERY RELUCTANTLY considering the prospect of having to remain on maintenance doses of AD meds and perhaps even the benzo's for the rest of my life in order for the depressions and my social anxiety to cease interfering with and disrupting my life and to allow me to realise my full potential and to constructively use the abilities and qualities that I was born with to the best of my ability. When I am not depressed I CAN actually recognise that I do have potential to contribute as a normal functioning member of society and of my local community and to be able to recognise that good friends, supportive and loving family and good health are the most important assets that any person can possess. Other things like material wealth and status can be a bonus but in comparison to the above points these are rather unimportant factors. Unfortunately when I'm in the depths of depression I am completely unable to recognise this distinction and of course those feeling of despair and failure bubble up to the surface and completely consume my thinking.
That having been said, in one sense I am actually GLAD that I have had this struggle with depression for most of my life. It has forced me to learn about myself and to obtain knowledge and insights that I would never have gained if I had just been able to breeze through life without having faced any adversity. Furthermore, I have gained knowledge and insights into issues about health, diet, exercise, spirituality, politics, medicine and religion that I believe have made me into a much better and well rounded person. Especially in the last 2-5 years I have become a much more sensitive, less cynical and understanding person and I especially have learnt not to judge others for there views, opinions and actions.(Not that I don't disapprove or disagree with others' opinions, but I make genuine attempts to understand the reasons for the way that people think or behave). And you know what!!!.....being less judgemental about others has actually reduced the levels of anxiety that I used to suffer. My illness has made me into a stronger person and I have developed coping skills that will stand me in good stead when and if adversity strikes me again.
Like yourself, once I am fully stabilised again from my current major depression (I'm almost at that point) I will be searching for a maintenance AD med that will allow me to function with NO side effects and hopefully with no long term damaging effects to my health. With my past positive experience with Aurorix I am hoping that this drug will do the trick for me until they are able to develop much more sophisticated (and side effect free) drugs to replace the current crop of AD (and anxiolytic) meds.
Again thanks for your thoughts on this matter and PLEASE, PLEASE do keep us all regualarly informed about how your Aurorix trial is going!!!
take care
bluedog
poster:bluedog
thread:130712
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20021203/msgs/130979.html