Posted by Gracie2 on October 21, 2002, at 1:06:34
In reply to Re: What did people do before antidepressants? » Gracie2, posted by WorryGirl on October 20, 2002, at 22:48:02
Stay-at-home mothers (along with teachers) are
horrendously undervalued in our society. After my father left my mother, she had to go to work. This was back in the late 60s, when women with a litter of growing children didn't normally work
full-time. (There were 5 of us.) She liked her work and she was good at it. She spent less and less time at home - she was a traveling salesperson for a major book-publishing company - and resented us more and more every time she did come home.
Out of the 5 of us children I was the only one to have a child of my own, a single child that was unplanned. One of my brothers is dead. Another brother spent years in drug rehab and a year in prison after repeated DWIs. One of my sisters would like to have children now, but is unable after numerous abortions and bouts of PID. The other sister is on her 4th marriage and starving herself to death, having given up on therapy for her bulimia and anorexia. As for myself, I've experienced alcoholism, drug addiction, attempted suicide, and been hospitalized 3 times for depression.
I cannot believe that this is all a coincidence.
The five of us suffered greatly from the lack of love and guidance that good parents should provide. My mother eventually became vice-president of international marketing for this huge book company. She owned 2 fabulous condos, drove a vintage Mercedes, owned a wardrobe to die for, traveled worldwide and vacationed regularly in Europe and the Bahamas (without us). She was a terrible mother, selfish and supremely self-centered. She never shared her wealth with any of us, never paid for anything after each of us turned 18. She was an absolute success in the business world, a complete failure as a parent. In fact, when I first read the book "Mommie Dearest", I was aware that the book was meant to shock the world with the story of Joan Crawford's tirades. The book didn't shock me at all. I was familiar with just about all of it.So I don't think there's anything noble or wonderful about pursuing a career at the expense of your kids. My sister told me a story the other day. She had been active in gymnastics when she was young and practiced almost obsessively during her junior high and high school years. I remember that much, because I usually picked her up from practice myself. One morning, while I was dishing out her oatmeal, she told me that there was a big gymnastic meet that afternoon with a competing high school, but she was thinking about skipping it. When I asked her why, she said, "What's the difference? Nobody ever comes to see me." I said,
"You go to that meet, and I'll come see you." She said that I showed up with all my friends - in high school, I hung out with a group known as "heads" - we skipped school, did drugs, got in fights, got arrested and ended up pregnant. We never attended football games, proms or any other kind of school-related activity. But that evening, at my sister's gymnastic meet, I showed up with my whole crowd. Every time she did well,
we all stood up and stomped and cheered.I have no memory of this event. My sister says that it is one of the highlights of her life. For years and years she had been competing in gymnastics, and neither of my parents had ever shown up for a single meet, not once. When she told me that story, my heart broke. I wished I could go back in time and love that little girl
like she deserved. Later on, when my son was playing in little league, there was a boy whose parents never showed up for any games. The rest of us parents, we sort of closed around him, tried to support him. I like to think that maybe my sister had that much, but I don't think she did.Your job as a parent is surely the most important role you will play in life, that's what I believe.
-Gracie
poster:Gracie2
thread:124428
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20021019/msgs/124482.html