Posted by BrittPark on October 18, 2002, at 20:37:20
In reply to one girls online journal. please put your input. , posted by lilsis on October 13, 2002, at 15:23:46
> hi everyone. i am sure you don`t feel like reading this but i wish that someone would talk about themselves and do a journal. so i hope that this helps you
>
> let me start my journal with a little backround info on me. i am 17 years of age i am 69" tall and am 145lbs. when i was 12 that is when i believe my depression had started. i was cutting myself alot and wanted to die. i had wrote some poems about suicide and i believe that that helped because it was in a point of view if it were my friends and that madde me not want to kill myself because i wouldn`t want to hurt nyone else. so i just cut myself. then i started with my piercings that helped alot. then i got older and the scars faded. i will soon see if i can scan a pic of how bad it used to be because my parents were so nieve they believed the cat scratched me all the time. if anyone has a scanner send me their address and i will send it to them. and if anyone wants to see a few of my poems go to www.poetry.com and look up cindy partridge
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> fast forward to x-mas this year.....
> the day after christmas i went down to check on my grandfather. no answer...the next day i found out he was dying while i was knocking at his door. if i had just called an ambulance and went with my gut feelings he might be here. then the next day they found him. dec 27. i had to call over 50 family members and tell everyone the news. that really hurt. bad...then at the funeral my grandmather said infront of everyone that it was my faiult that he was dead. now everyone hates me. two days later i found out that i had another sister
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> for two months after that everynight i cried myself to sleep.
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> another coupla bad things that happened in the last two years was my friend got stabbed and another got hit and killed by a transfer truck.
> i do not handle death well
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> oh and i was raped twice.
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> up to date. i was keeping an online effexor journal but then i got switched to celexa. i only took half last night but i am terrified to take antidepressannts now because of effexor. never been so scared in my entire life. but i will try them
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> oh and my backround with drugs since my doc blames my depression on them.
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> the ones i have done to get high:
> cokaine
> extacy
> weed
> hash
> majic mushrooms
> lsd
> dexitrin to increase buzz
> pcp
> lots of ritalin
> cafinne pills
> alcohol
> dolattas(synthetic herion)
> and pretty much everything except herion in the vein and opium....
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> and just so u know i had a bad coke problem, especially in school. and my motto was god bless rum and coke thursday for school.
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> i quit it all except dexi`s which i find help me when i eat them as long as it is 2 15mg`s. and smoking cigarettes which i quit on....wednesday..
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> anyways this is long. my doctor doesn`t know much of this but now you do. you try and diagnose me. plus i find helping others makes me feel better so by you all trying to help me that helps you which helps me so we all become happy. at anytime email me. my email is cindy@plur2k.com
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Sounds like you've had a very rough time. A few questions. Is the doctor you're seeing a psychiatrist? My motto is "when mental illness strikes neither a GP nor a Psychologist seek". GPs and Internists are just not (usually) experienced enough in treating mental illness.When I was your age, (more than 20 years ago), I tried and for the most part enjoyed many of the recreational drugs you list. I'll give you one piece of advice, stay away from all the psychedelics espescially LSD and PCP. They have the capacity to permanently affect your mind. I should know. It was a very bad experience with LSD (or perhaps PCP; It's hit and miss what you actually get) that started me on my first episode of severe depression and panic disorder. I've been battling both (mostly successfully) for 20 years.
You write very well (though I'd prefer you use capitals when called for ;) and should continue to post to PB. When the readers of PB get to know your problems better, they'll be able to offer better advice.
Feel better,
Britt
poster:BrittPark
thread:123485
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20021012/msgs/124188.html