Posted by Artman on October 9, 2002, at 7:37:36
In reply to Re: Any artists, musicians out there on meds?, posted by Gracie2 on October 9, 2002, at 0:13:19
Yes, the "creativeness" feelings I used to experience are missed very much. A lot of my current frustration is learning how to adjust to this calmer creative feeling caused by my meds. One thing I have been able to do is complete lots of work. Before medication, my drawings or artwork were left unfinished. I remember during a "manic trip" to Australia in the 80's I began using the book "Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain," by Betty Edwards. In two months, I went from drawing stick figures to photo-realism. But I never finished any of these drawings. I had just come of "Nardil", a MAO, and had terrible withdraw symptoms myself. Needless to say upon my arrival stateside after three months down there and with $2.00 in my pocket, I checked into the hospital and found out I was suffering from bipolar depression. Does anybody have difficulty with the Obsessive-Compulsive aspect that often accompanies bipolar? I don't have any problems with slamming doors or rituals, but find myself unable to shut out the intrusive thoughts. It usually affects me more during times of stress. Having lost my job a few months ago has certainly been a stressor! I must confess I do find myself longing for the "good old days". The hardest part of taking medication is how it it seems to dull or dampen things. I realize that my years of manic highs conditoned my brain into thinking this was reality. I can see why so many people desire to get off them. I have no interest to do this, but I do feel a certain sadness at times about the lack of connection I feel with the environment. It is somewhat like the longing for being a kid again. No worries, just pure awareness.
I have read Kay Jamison's book "Touched by Fire". A very informative text. Dr. Jamison also wrote "the" textbook on Manic Depression: "Manic Depressive Illness" published by Oxford Press. It's roughly 900 pages of clinical and personal experience with bipolar disorder. It cost $75.00 a few years ago, but it has some very good information about how important it is to use both meds and psychotherapy for healing. Ours is a disorder biologically based, with behavioral symptoms and effects. It took me a very long time to finally come to the realization that I would need the psychotheraputic aspect of recovery to further my healing. It hasn't been easy or fun, but I'm getting there. Cognitive-Behavioral techniques seem to work for me most of the time. I still have trouble with fear and worry though. My imagination can run away with me in a heartbeat. I can catastrophize and visualize things to where I just want to hid. Yet I am a pilot and fly gliders. Go figure!! I guess I am rambling now, but I am glad that folks are sharing their experiences here. I enjoyed hearing what French and Gracie had to say. It helps me to know that I'm not so alone.
poster:Artman
thread:122468
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20021006/msgs/122883.html