Posted by Lorelai on August 10, 2002, at 16:57:40
In reply to bipolar cycling, posted by minisnow on August 9, 2002, at 8:15:59
> I had my first acute manic episode at the age of 38. That was last year. I am now taking Zoloft, Trileptal, and Omega 3. I have read numerous books on bipolar disorder and I am trying to figure out when it would be safe for me to go off mood stabilizers and how to determine when I could have another episode. I would like to think that I might never have another episode. At this time I am doing very well, not depressed and satisfied with medicine though I have gained thirty pounds, due to Depakote I guess. I embrace life after two suicide attempts during the depression phase. I have a wonderful family, many ambitions, and financial security. In other words, I was able to recover everything after seeing so many people in the hospital who lose it all. I am grateful for good health but I do fear another episode.
**Thought I'd add my experience. I was first officially diagnosed bipolar 8 years ago (I'm 43). I've suffered from full blown manic attacks since high school (my first involved voices and paranoia to the point I dropped out of high school in my senior year, sure my entire school was "out to get me"). I "self medicated" all the way from jr. high to my mid-twenties, not knowing what was wrong, but knowing I preferred being high to being in my moody, messed up reality. Prior to the diagnosis I'd been given such anti-depressants as Prozac for depression (not a good idea--SSRIs trigger extreme mania in me). I had no idea I was bipolar and didn't believe the pdoc when she diagnosed me. I didn't believe the second pdoc either, or the third. It didn't occur to me that I fit what my latest pdoc calls "the classic symptoms." Sexual promiscuity (only while manic), rampant spending sprees (I had to file bankruptcy about 5 years ago and I never will have another credit card as long as I live), wildly manic and productive times (I'm a writer) which fizzle and die and turn into suicidal depressions. I moved to the country in an attempt to change my lifestyle, thinking a move from the city would mellow me out and I'd be fine. Wrong. My extreme manic episodes and depressions caused me to lose a very wonderful man. I've lost several relationships over the years (one woman's husband, after witnessing a particularly hyper manic episode, made her stop being my friend) and have only recently begun to realize that my behaviors are so extreme I can't possibly manage them without meds. I gained a lot of weight on depakote too and am currently trying to work with my pdoc to figure out what type of meds to take (also will start DBT--a type of therapy--soon). I'm only on Wellbutrin now (for depression resulting from the suicide of a friend last month) as I'd gone off meds months ago only to nearly lose yet another relationship because of my erratic behavior. I guess what I'm trying to say here is that even though I'd convinced myself I wasn't bipolar and that I could handle my moods, I was so wrong. Manic depression--bipolar disorder--whatever you call it--is a major player in my life and I'll always have to be on some type of medication. I've had a few psychotic episodes in my life and don't care to repeat them. Of course, I don't know your situation and I'm no expert. I'm just hoping it helps to know you're not alone. That if your pdoc decides you need to stay on meds, and if you're really honest with yourself and see that you can't handle your moods without them, well-- there're a lot of us out here who simply can't function on a "normal" level without meds. All the best to you.
poster:Lorelai
thread:115792
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020807/msgs/115964.html