Posted by Roo on July 30, 2002, at 13:34:09
Okay, it's another person possibly jumping on the
BP2 bandwagon...well actually cyclothymia...My p-doc
kind of refuses outright diagnoses...she says she thinks
I have cycling depression that tends to get stuck in the
lows. I've had a hard time accepting all this because I've
always thought of myself as just depressed. But examining
it all now, it makes sense. My moods are definitely
cyclical. The thing is about 3 years ago I had this nightmare
job that put me into a major depression, but it was a different
sort of depression than I ever experienced...it was very, very
agitated and anxious, can't sit still, can't think straight, couldn't
hardly stand to be in my own skin. Never knew how I was going to feel
from day to day. My engagement ended up being broken off--I never knew
how I felt about the guy--one day I'd be totally in love, the other
not sure at all, and kind of repulsed and terrified of committment.
The relationship and the job are long gone, but I haven't been the
same since--I've never really stabilized, and the quality of my moods
have changed a lot. I've never really had suicidal tendencies, but now
when I "cycle" (as the p-doc refers to it) I get really agitated and have
suicidal thoughts and that can't stand to be in my own skin feeling.
I was on a mood stabilizer for a little while and it helped but I quit it
due to weight gain...that was 4 months ago and I haven't been stable since.
Also have not been stabilized on an AD for awhile...the prozac that worked so
well for me for 7 years pooped out...I tried zoloft, but it gave me terrible
diarreah and at 100 mg's made me feel wired and suicidal. Now I'm trying effexor.
My p-doc seems to think I need to be on a mood stabilizer, and I'm begining to
wonder if she may be right...I just don't understand how that one event seemed to
push me over into some other type of depression, this more cycling, anxious kind
with low lows, suicidal stuff. Is it possible that one event can make you into
a bipolar2? It's just so strange to me, but I have to admit, I haven't been stable
for nearly 3 years, since that event. Any thoughts?
poster:Roo
thread:114409
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020725/msgs/114409.html