Posted by josiejo on June 10, 2002, at 20:42:55
Some days, I feel like I have all the answers. Most days, I don't even know the questions. I know, bad joke.
I've been on meds for over 3 years, so in some circles, I'm still a newbie. Went round and round for awhile, and finally got put on 40mg of Celexa (started with 20mg). Most days, I can get up and go to work. Some days, I can't. Part of it is just plain laziness. But I think it's more than that. If I can get up, I can go to work and do just fine. If not, I end up staying home and doing nothing. On my off days, I rarely even leave the house anymore. I try, and I have good intentions, but I just don't care. I'd rather sit on the couch or the computer and waste time. It's gotten to a point that I don't go out after work at all. Old friends have given up on me and have stopped calling. New friends (from work... the few that I even talk to outside work) claim they understand... "I was depressed once" or "I take paxil for anxiety". They don't know.
I'm supposed to go home (1000 mile trip) in 2 weeks for my niece's graduation party. I'm doing everything in my power to blow it off. And I can't. I'm afraid to ask anyone to take care of my cats. I'm afraid to ask anyone for rides to and from the airport. I know that once I get there, I'll be fine. I just don't know if I can actually make myself go.
A really great guy from work has been asking me out... I come up with one excuse after the other.
How can I make myself do anything?
I've wondered if I have a mild (typical of me... everything I do is mild) case of agoraphobia.
Does anyone have any ideas? Has anyone else experienced these feelings of total apathy?
I'm willing to listen to anything.Thanks
poster:josiejo
thread:109420
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020609/msgs/109420.html